Being put on hold. It is never fun.
This time was no different. But instead of waiting to solve a computer problem, or waiting to finally talk to a person after a slew of automated questions, this felt so much bigger. This was being put on hold for a dream about which I had told literally everyone. (I mean why wouldn’t I? The World Race is awesome!)
I was embarrassed to tell people “hey, I told you I was going on this great adventure…JUST KIDDING!” I had no idea what being put on the waiting list actually meant, what it logistically entailed. I sent a couple of emails to my mobilizer (Ricci, you’re the real MVP! FOR REAL!) but we never connected to talk about the ins and outs of specifically what would/needed to happen.
As a result I didn’t keep up with the rest of my squad on our squad page (yes that’s a thing. #ssquadbestsquad). I didn’t want to emotionally or relationally invest in a group of people only to be told I wasn’t actually going on the same great adventure they were going on. I guess it was my cursory attempt at self protection. Being told I wasn’t going wouldn’t hurt as bad if I didn’t really know the people I was going with right? But this also meant I put all the logistical things on hold too. And now is when I am paying the price.
I am now at least two months behind on fundraising. In case you were wondering I need to raise $17,017, I need to be at 5,500 by October 16th. I currently have 1,220 as I write this. Do you know how terrifying that is?
The scary part for me is having to rely on others to make my dreams come true. I like to think of myself as a fairly self sufficient, independent person. But independence and mission work simply don’t overlap, not logistically and definitely not spiritually. I guess this is “dying to self” in practice. In a devotional last week about the rich young ruler there was a quote that hit so close to home, “Money and privilege are not always the issue. Sometimes we are rich in our pride and self-sufficiency. Pride often keeps me from fully enjoying my relationship with God.” I had never thought about that story in terms of having a wealth of self-sufficiency. But in my life pride and self sufficiency go hand-in-hand. I have a wealth of both those things. Both of which I have to set aside if I hope to be an effective messenger of the gospel.
If you are willing I would be thankful for prayers in this specific area, for humility partnered with an open mind and patience, ALWAYS patience.
Until next time….Gig’em and God bless.
