They say the Race will be hard. It will challenge you, it will stretch you, and you will grow to hopefully be a different person than you left.
Coming into month 4 I am really starting to come into that process. I’m in a season of brokenness. And let me tell you, it sucks.
I am going through an identity crisis.
I have lived 25 years thinking that for the most part I knew who I was. Sure I had those moments of dramatic adolescence (middle school, puberty) where you are unsure of yourself and your place in this world. There are some tears and ice cream and maybe a shift in friend groups before you figure out your niche in the community you’re in.
These past 25 years I have placed my identity in my peers, or in the community who surround me. I strived to be known as the funny one or the smart one or the “oh Maggie she’s so weird” one.
Even being on the Race I am constantly trying to be clever or well rounded or spiritual enough for people to accept me. I want to make a mark. I don’t want to fade into the group. Why do I think this way? What cant I seem to accept myself for who I am?
Lets be honest, it feels so good when people like you. When you say something funny that everyone laughs at or walk into a group to be greeted with hugs and smiles. We liked to be liked. We like to feel validation that who we are is good enough. And sometimes we will do anything or be anything to make sure we are accepted.
But as great as it feels to be accepted from your peers, it won’t last. Approval from man is fickle. It changes like the wind. One word. One action. One rumor and that acceptance and sense of identity is over.
We all in some way strive for this validation. We want to be loved, accepted, part of a relationship or community.
The question is what are we looking to for this sense of identity?
I know I am a daughter of the Most High. I know He looks upon me with love and acceptance.
I don’t know if I know yet what it means to have my identity in Christ. I have not yet learned to look to Him for validation instead of the people around me.
But I know I don’t want to constantly be comparing myself to others. I don’t want to be in a never-ending competition with the people around me to be funnier or smarter or more loved.
I want something more. I want freedom from what people think of me. I want to embrace who I am because the Lord embraces me.
