Don’t let happiness depend on something you can lose. – C. S. Lewis
Meet Gousy Mae. She is the joy of my heart this month. Her shy smile, giggle and all around person fill me with happiness.
This month has been difficult. There is a language barrier that makes it hard to communicate, it is hot and humid which dehydrates us and makes us weak, and we are in the middle of nowhere with little supplies and limited communication.
But when I see this little girl peeping her face into the church window where we sleep, everything else doesn’t matter quite as much.
Oh how a lot can change in two months.
Lets jump back to Nepal. It was a hard month with illness, heat and an unfulfilled expectation of what we wanted out of Nepal that left many of us frustrated.
The whole month was wasted for me. I wanted mountains and cold air and what I got was heat and sugar cane fields. So I stuck up my nose, closed my heart and shut down. I didn’t get what I wanted in Nepal and no matter what I was not going to let anyone or anything pull me out of being disappointed and sullen.
In short I was being a toddler having a month long, passive aggressive, hissy fit.
And it is the biggest regret of my Race thus far.
This month in a lot of ways is like Nepal; limited internet, village in the middle of no where, a lot of free time on our hands. It’s hot and humid and every night our tents are covered in bugs and we are covered in sweat.
There is a lot I could be disappointed in. There are lots of reasons why I could put a frown on my face, call this month a wash and look forward to debrief.
But the Lord has changed me these past two months.
I refuse to let the enemy affect my attitude to the point where I become ineffective to both the community I’m in and my team.
I will not let my pride get in the way of the incredible realization that I am on the other side of the world, living on a Cambodian Army tank base, getting to love on and show the love of Jesus to the families that live here.
Because my joy isn’t based in what I get and don’t get.
Its not based on how much access I have to internet or how close I am to the nearest air conditioning unit.
My joy is based on a Father who loves me dearly and a Son who died for all the sin and hissy fits I will ever commit.
Oh how wonderful that is.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1: 2-4
