Coming on the race the biggest surprise wasn’t the culture shock or the shock of living in community. It was how many expectations I had that were shattered. I came on the race with an expectation of what ministry would look like, what my life would look like, what my relationship with the Lord would be, and what my relationship with people would be. And truthfully, most of those expectations haven’t been met at all. Ministry looks completely different than anything I could’ve ever imagined, my relationship with the Lord is different than anything I could’ve ever imagined, and living with a team of 5 other girls is definitely different than anything I could’ve ever imagined. But I was reading my bible in Daniel 3 recently and it’s the Story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego when they refused to bow down to King Nebuchadnezzar’s golden idol. King Nebuchadnezzar tried to make them bow down by saying “Hey if you don’t bow down to my golden idol I’m going to throw you into a furnace.” But they didn’t care. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said that the Lord would save them but if He didn’t that the Lord was good and they still wouldn’t bow down. What got me was the “and if not.” It didn’t matter to them that their lives were on the line because they knew that “and if not” the Lord was still good. That is such a powerful way to live. It made me realize that things may never go as I hoped for and if not the Lord is still good and His plans are perfect. I may never see miracles happen in ministry or the profits of my service but if not the Lord is still good and He is using me in ways I can’t see. I may not always see why I am on the team I am on but if not the Lord is still good and they are teaching me things and I them. I’ve had to really ask my self am I willing to embrace the “and if not” mentality of life? And I willing to say and if not the Lord is still good despite any circumstance I am going through? And the answer is yes because the Lord holds me His arms and lets me know daily that He has me.
