We have finally arrived in our last country before we head back home – Ecuador!!! It’s hard to believe how fast time has gone. Looking back, I’ve realized as time has passed my anticipation of home has grown. As this journey The Lord has placed me on has unfolded, my perspective of home has changed, and I see now it parallels what our anticipation and perspective of our eternal home should be like.
For a long time, the idea of Heaven was rather ambiguous to me. I knew I got to go there when I die because of my salvation, and I knew it was going to be good. Then people started talking about how all you did was worship for eternity and “what a day that will be,” and if I’m completely honest with you, my brain cannot even process the length of eternity and it knew my body often struggled to sit through two hour long worship sessions. Can I get some honest people with an amen? Great, I didn’t think I was the only one.
Then I came on the Race. At first I didn’t miss my ‘Mississippi home sweet home’ much at all. I didn’t find myself longing for the Race to be over so that I could get there faster. I didn’t even really understand the concept of home anymore because I became accustomed to calling many, many different places home since leaving the house where my family lives.
Then, on Christmas Day as I sat on a beach in Costa Rica our ministry hosts took us to visit, a gigantic wave of homesickness crashed over me all at once. I wanted to be at home with my family.
I wouldn’t say that a huge wave of homesickness for Heaven has crashed over me since being on the Race; rather, gradually I have grown to anticipate being there just like I anticipate being back at the house my family lives in.
My perspective of my home in Mississippi has changed throughout the Race as I’ve grown and stretched my faith. I see everything that caused me to be okay with being gone from a higher perspective now, and although it will be a major adjustment to go back, it’s exciting to think about what going home will be like.
Similarly, my perspective of Heaven has also changed. As I’ve been able to bear more fruit as a believer and deepen my roots in Christ, worship makes more sense. I don’t feel like I have to attend worship sessions out of obligation anymore. I want to worship even outside of worship sessions because I have reason to. I see God in the things I didn’t before, I’ve called on Him and seen Him show up and be faithful time and time again, I’ve seen Him heal, I’ve seen Him restore and reconcile, I’ve seen Him break chains. And that compels me to worship Him for He is great and worthy of it. And I’ve realized even if I don’t see those things – yes, even if not – He is still worthy of my worship. And to add the cherry on top so to speak, we recently got to spend our last couple of days in Costa Rica in the mountains with 150 other Racers to come together and empower one another and, ultimately, worship together. One night specifically we saw God show up so evidently and we even got moved out of the auditorium because worship lasted so long. So we went to the gym. And as I stood in the center of a gym with people all around me singing all kinds of their own songs to The Lord and coming together to pray for people, I realized that Heaven would be far better than this. Even if we do worship without anything else for all of eternity, I’m okay with that. Worship had gone on for hours that night, and it was certainly past my bedtime. It didn’t matter though. I was so content worshiping The Lord because He deserved it.
Although I realized all of this, I have also struggled with finding where all of the anticipation and emotion belongs. There are many days (and sometimes many moments within a day) where my squad mates and I often express the excitement of going back home in just three months and being finished with the Race. We are on the last leg! On the other hand, however, my soul becomes deeply saddened at the thought of leaving this journey – the people I’ve traveled with (my 2nd family), the people I’ve met along the way, the focus on ministry, the incessant feeling of being surrounded by complete powerhouses for The Lord that carry such intense wisdom and will always call me higher and point me back to Jesus among so many other things. This has been the best year of my life so far, so why do I want to go home?
I’ve found both belong – the anticipation of home and the sadness of this little, tiny journey on the greater journey coming to an end – because it reminds us of how to live as Christians eagerly awaiting our eternal home while living in this world full of things we love (although it is hard to live in sometimes – just like the Race). For a long time I misconstrued the idea and thought if I were truly excited about Heaven, I was supposed to want to die already. Anticipating going back home doesn’t have to mean I am ready for this journey The Lord has blessed me with to be over just like anticipating Heaven doesn’t mean I want to die. I am ready when The Lord calls me, but it doesn’t mean I necessarily want to die right now. I can be fully present here soaking up every moment and opportunity right alongside anticipating getting to go home one day on both accounts. It all belongs in my heart.
If you are anything like me, know that you don’t have to go across the world to find connection in worship or a new perspective that causes you to anticipate Heaven. While this was how The Lord chose to allow me to develop and I’m thankful for it, I know that it was my heart posture and my choice the whole time. I could have chosen to pray for The Lord to show me these things (rather open my eyes to see them because I know He was showing me anyway I just couldn’t see past myself) and for Him to show up (also I know He was already doing that as well and I should have prayed for the strength and discernment to take advantage of that). Your feelings as well as all the parts of your journey belong, and I encourage you to seek The Lord for how that fits and to keep pressing on because He is going to show up – for He who promised is faithful!!!
Love in Christ,
Maeci
