A couple of days ago, we began painting a different room at our ministry. Upon walking into the room, my OCD side immediately informed me it was a mess and frustration flooded the core of me. Nobody knew it, but I was gritting my teeth as I picked up and moved things in order for us to paint.
As I began to wash the walls and silently scoff in my spirit, The Lord spoke so clearly to me. He said, “Maeci, why are you so frustrated about cleaning out the mess in this room when I cleaned out your heart and continue to do so? Is not your heart messier than this room, yet I create in you a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within you over and over again?” OUCHHH. I don’t know if you have ever experienced the sassy side of the Holy Spirit, but I do quite frequently.
You see, I chose to look at that situation and not have a joyful servant’s heart. I let Satan take advantage of that part of my personality that screams and disorder and chaos and mess (which is something good that God created to make me, well, me, but Satan likes to use those good things against us). It doesn’t have to be that way though! When we focus on what Christ has done for us (and continues to) and keep a Kingdom mindset, we can have grace and choose joy despite ___ .
Jesus never said that following Him and living a life of service would be the fun or easy thing. In fact, He said that we must take up our cross daily, deny everything, and humble ourselves as servants. He repeatedly asks us in Scripture to count the cost of following Him. Following Him means serving and serving is not always as glorious as the stories of the fruit that comes from it make it sound. It takes the tough, messy work to produce the fruit. It takes sacrifice of self. It takes the death of our decaying flesh. If following Jesus isn’t costing you something, are you really following Him? If your faith isn’t costing you something, do you really have faith?
I could have chosen to surrender my fleshly feelings when I walked in that room a couple of days ago. Before I ever opened the door, I should have decided on joy in service no matter what the room looked like rather than waiting to choose it after The Lord convicted my heart. Honestly, thinking back, it wasn’t even that messy. Our God makes beauty from our ashes and mistakes though, and some of that beauty has been getting to see what The Father sees in our hearts on a smaller scale. After I got over myself and began to pour into the work, we have finished the entire room in just two days, and it is so fresh and beautiful! The room is like a new creation that I now view as lovely. It’s made me ponder on the work that God does in our hearts – how He pours Himself so deeply into renewing our mess to make it something pure and admirable. Furthermore, it’s made me think on how often we promise to never let our hearts become stained again and then turn right around and slop filth all over the walls of our hearts. I would honestly be so flustered if someone came in and messed up that beautiful room we’ve painted, yet we so often do that to The Father and He never fails to bestow grace and patience and clean our hearts up time and time again.
If you’ve never allowed God to clean your heart out and make you a new creation in Him, it’s never too late and your heart is never too messy. He’s not going to silently scoff like I did at the room. He’s going to do the opposite – He’s going to REJOICE with all the angels in Heaven that you have turned to Him! Maybe, you have allowed God to make you a new creation, but it’s time for a thorough cleaning. Maybe, it’s time to really count the cost of following Jesus and being a servant and what that looks like in your life. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you don’t have to have all the details figured out to step out in faith. You just have to count the cost (spoiler: it’s worth it) and have a “yes” in your spirit!
All my love and prayers from across the big pond,
Maeci
