3/12/19 Lome, Togo
Welcome to The World Race where if you once thought you were an extrovert you soon discover you are not, or begin to hardcore question it. Where you share two apartments with three teams and discover that there truly is no place to be alone. Except on the porch, oh wait there is no way in heck you would ever be alone on the porch. The porch to me is a metaphorical place to ignore those around you and to be alone, as much as possible.
Welcome to The World Race where you create a place to be alone in a place where it seems nearly impossible. Where you choose to put yourself in a corner in order to be alone with the Lord, in order to hear your own thoughts, in order to create harmony within yourself.
Since being in Togo (lol its been 3 days), I have seriously questioned whether or not I am an extrovert or introvert. The past three mornings I have been trying to figure out “my porch”, my place to be alone with the Lord. I’ve woken at 5am, 5:30am, 6am to see if certain places were less crowded than others. I thought that maybe if I wake up earlier than everyone else I can sit in silence, truly alone. Well, turns out this place is fully of many other morning birds.
The past three mornings I have grabbed my stuff and sat down at a variety of spots and tried to settle in for my quiet time. As others decided to do the same around me I physically felt the anxiety of me stirring up. I just needed to be alone, not alone with others around me, just alone; where I can’t see anyone, where others can’t talk to me, or ask me a question, just alone. Each morning I’ve gotten up from several spots and replanted myself around the apartment in attempt to feel the peace of being in “my spot”. Today at approximately 9am after shifting from about 5 different spots, I have found “my porch”, “my spot”, my place I can breathe and be alone with Jesus.
My porch this months is on our physical upstairs porch, but its the corner of the porch. As I did today, and will the next 18 mornings, I grab my bible, journals, headphones, phone, and coffee and sit in the corder of this porch facing the wall. I literally sit in the corner as if I’m a little kid in time out being forced to face the wall and think about what they’ve done. Its funny because I probably look like I’m in time out too; I usually sit hugging my knees with my head resting on my crossed arms for a good amount of time before I journal and read my Bible.
I am beyond over the fact that this floor isn’t really clean, and as I cross my legs to get comfy the dirt from the bottom of my feet spread to my legs. I don’t have a great view of the city or the sunrise from here, or receive the strongest breeze from the wind. And I don’t feel bad that I physically have my back toward everyone around me, and that I’m not sitting spending quality quiet time with others on my squad (I got over FOMO pretty quick here).
This truly is the only place I can feel alone. I didn’t realize it until I got to Togo how much I needed this place, this corner, “my porch”. I need this secret place, this alone time with Jesus, the uninterrupted space to praise God, to pray, to process what he is teaching me, to hear myself think, and to breathe.
Last month, I had a real front porch I could sneak away to and sit in my old chair in silence without anyone else around. But this month I’m learning that I’m reinventing the term “front porch” for myself considering the fact that my front porch this month is a corner, but thats okay! So here’s the third of many metaphorically front porches I have the gift of sitting in presence of the Lord at. Maybe one day I’ll look back at these places and think “wow that was such good time sitting in that/those corners” but for now, I’m just gonna admit the fact that its freaking hard to find my porch and ignore the distractions behind my back, to really get alone with God. But I am thankful for corners, this corner in particular right now. Ha, wow, thats something I’d never even think about thanking God for until the Race.
Welcome to The World Race where the things you once thought you knew of yourself become radically flipped by one concept; for me its my metaphorical front porch. I’ll keep you updated as to whether or not I’m truly an introvert or extravert. I mean next month is all squad month too, so I’m quite certain that if the Lord doesn’t reveal it to me by the end of this month with two other teams, It’ll be clear as day by next month with 2 more teams.
I’m just thankful I get to sit here in this corner facing these grey walls, and actually feel alone. What a weird thing to be thankful for, right?
Thank you for reading and for your support- I am still indeed fundraising, so donations are much appreciated!! 🙂
