Bangkok, Thailand 4/9/19
Here’s the story of how and why I got my first/new tattoo:
I can. I am. I will. I have.
Its funny how the Lord’s timing is just impeccable.
On April 6th I went to a tattoo shop with some friends with the expectation that that night I was going get my first tattoo. I was going to get the phrase I’ve been writing all over my journals, Bible, and sticky notes for the past 3 months. I was prepared to permanently put on my body the language the Lord uses when he gives someone a promise in the Bible.
I can. I am. I will. I have.
I was ready to do it that night, but as two of my friends were finishing up their tattoos ahead of me, it got later and later and I soon accepted the sad fact that it wasn’t happening that night, but I agreed to come back with one of my squad mates tomorrow to get it done.
I was ready, I really was. But even so, the Lord clearly wanted to know if even after that night I was still willing to believe his promises for me, if I still was going to tattoo his promise language after hearing news that hurt, that didn’t make sense, and that directly correlated to a promise he had given me.
Its like he was still asking me, do you still believe I can do what I say I can? Even now, do you still believe me? Do you still believe that I can fulfill my promises? That I am fulfilling my promises to you right now. That I will keep my promises, that I have already spoken into existence, and have made a way even when you don’t see it.
Do you still believe me that, “I can. I am. I will. I have.” ?
At first I didn’t know. I didn’t know how to feel, how to cry, how to be with people, what to do, how to make sense of it all, or what to believe. But God blessed me with a morning with my team “at church” in the loft of our hostel where we worshiping, and listened to a message from Christine Caine that was spot on to what I needed to hear. “At Church” with my team I finally was able express how I was really doing, share where God has me, and cry out to God in worship. As we worshiped I weeped, paced the loft, and fell to my knees as I read from Exodus where God spoke to Abraham about the promises he has for him. Where Go said over and over do not be afraid. I can. I am. I will. I have.
I needed those affirmations more in that moment more than I ever have in my entire life. And its no mistake that God still asked me to stand on the promise he gave me and declare that I believe what he says will be. Even in the midst of hurt or in the midst of not understanding anything really… and especially in trying to understand the “why” behind it all.
I still chose to make it permanent.
I can. I am. I will. I have.
God said it over and over regarding his promises. Those phrases don’t leave any room for doubt. God doesn’t say I might, I could, maybe one day… NO! He gives promises with confidence, he speaks them into existence, and asks us to believe that what he says is true and will be!
I still chose to believe, and still choose to believe it today. Even when I receive pushback, receive news that doesn’t line up with my idea of how God is fulfilling his promises. Not only is it the language God uses to declare his promises, its the language I chose to stand in and to use when talking about the promises the Lord has given me.
I can trust that God will do what he says he will. I am not afraid of the way to the promised land, & I am enough and important to God. I will choose faith over doubt. I have what it takes to stand strong on God’s promises because he gives me his Holy Spirit.
I got this tattoo not because its cool and beautiful, which of course it it, but I got it because it is a constant reminder that God keeps his promises no matter what news or what obstacles make the promises seem out of reach. I can still choose God, I can still choose faith, and I know I will chose faith after feeling and seeing how horrible it is to stand in a place of doubt.
God knew I could choose not to believe his promises after being introduced to an obstacle that could blind me from seeing or believing in his promises still.
The very night I was about to tattoo God’s promise language on my right bicep, but he invited me into testing. He asked me if I still believed his promises even when it doesn’t make sense.
Based on this photo evidence. I still said yes. I still chose to believe in God’s resounding “YES” in my midst of my uncertainty or lack of understanding.
God keeps his promises, and I can choose to keep my promise to believe that he can because he is the great I am, and he will fulfill his promises because he has already spoken them into existence.
I can. I am. I will. I have.
8 words that have changed me life, my mind, my heart, and my spirit.
I can choose faith over doubt and fear- especially now that I know how dangerous doubt and fear are- how they convince us that we’re not enough, that the good that God has for us is “too good to be true”. Ah no! Faith tells us that it can/will be as God has planned, and it will be good. When we choose to believe that, we choose to become who God has created us to be, and how he created our lives to be, and our futures to be.
One simple conversation invited me into choosing complete faith over doubt and uncertainty. And that very same conversation taught me how detrimental it can be for our relationships with others when we choose doubt and fear. Fear and doubt of not being enough, of doubting that people keep their word, fear that our past relational hurts will repeat themselves, or fear that we don’t have what it takes convinces us to do things that make us feel just that– that we aren’t worth anything, that nothing can fulfill us, and that there is no way that we can recover from our mistakes. But those are all lies from the enemy!
When we choose faith we choose to believe that we are enough- we are good enough as a person, daughter or son, sister or brother, friend, boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, mother or father. We are good enough for someone we love, and we have what it takes to become the person we want to become and who God tells us we are. We are enough and we have what it takes.
Its all a choice. And its beautiful, and sometimes it hurts, but its still a choice. Just like my new tattoo!
I can. I am. I will. I have.
I love it. And I love that God has taught me so much through these 8 words, and he will for the rest of my life.
We can choose faith, trust me, its so much better than fear and doubt.
God’s timing is funny, sometimes all I can do is laugh and think “Of course, yup this makes sense…” in a semi-sarcastic way. I love when he asks me to grow, but sometimes it hurts a little, and that’s okay. I still get to choose faith.
So there it is, the story of how and why I got my first/new tattoo, and how God taught me SO SO MUCH about who he is, who I am, and what he has for me through it all.
Fun fundraising fact: $3610 to go until I am fully funded! Adopt-A Block is still alive and well! Check out my facebook for details! 🙂 https://www.facebook.com/mady.riedlinger
