*for reading purposes, if any of you have ever heard THE malia williams say her spoken word, read this with that same intensity. If you haven’t heard it before, read this like you can finally put something into words but you’re so desperate to get it out it all just jumbles together but with intensity and desperation lol*
ahem.
Its been a month and 8 days since i have been home. a month and 8 long days.
Going to bed at 5AM and waking up at 11AM Jesus why am i making it so hard to listen
and speak to you pursue you and love you made me who i am
today i woke up questioning my future and trust yet again in you
are the one who breaks me down to build me back up is where I look to you as tears fall
down my face.
I open my bible and close it scares me..me. ME. WHO AM I to you, who am i to me?
who have you called me to be not afraid for you are with me when i say
NO! why am i home is where the heart is what they say over and over again i
tell myself you are
good job mady you made it through another day.
another day. another grueling day. how many times do i have to tell myself to just make it
through a day can change your life is so different now than it was a year ago today
I’m sitting at a dinner table with my family yesterday I was at a dinner table with my
friends and a month and 8 days ago i was at a dinner table with my brothers and sisters
in the middle of Africa being incapable of fathoming a day in my life without them.
Its been a month and 8 days going by so slowly, blurring together again with my
family at home is all over the world now leaving my heart everywhere; parts of me staying
in places where it needs to be.
It’s been a month and 8 days since I’ve been home. I didn’t write a blog because i didn’t know what to do. i didn’t want to write a final blog because I didn’t want the race to be over, but it is. I don’t want to call this a “final blog” but it is my last blog as a racer from the world race. It makes me sad, very sad actually i could probably cry about it if i sat with that thought for a bit. But the person who the Lord has shaped me into and continues to shape me into blows my mind. Its been hard for me being home. I’ve been excited, happy, sad, anxious, confused, overwhelmed, happy, all mixed into one emotion everyday.
My thoughts race around a lot hence this very strange run on sentence confusing type of blog haha. And i think what i wrote could almost describe it tangibly. The desperation, confusion, and realization. Having topics change as quickly as my thoughts do and to make it into one. that’s what this is i guess. Being home is my ministry now, being on the field is being in america now and that’s something I’m learning to re-adapt to everyday.
Thank you for reading my blogs these past 9 months and viewing the world from my eyes through my words and perspective, I deeply appreciate it. I’m praying for you everyday. See ya.
Love, Mady McHugh
