Excuse me while I journal in public for a minute.
I’ve been in a slump the last few days and with it, I’ve missed home quite a bit. I started thinking about it today, what is it that I miss? As I walked down the dirt road holding my bag of coffee and watching the palm trees sway, I realized that this is normal to me. Cows eating in the rice patties and houses on stilts are normal to me. Eating rice at every meal and not understanding the people around me is normal to me. Being stared at and gawked at is normal to me. So do I miss familiarity, I would say no, this is familiar, change is familiar, but America is a million miles away from familiar right now.
I wonder if I miss the ability to get any kind of food that I desire at any time, but when was the last time I was able to do that? Nine months ago. Nine months is such a short time, yet living in it is such a long time. The food here isn’t all that bad, it’s definitely not my favorite, but I could live without Mexican…maybe. Really when I go to the big cities I’m usually able to find something similar to American food. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to large bones in all my meat, but other than that, weird food that I eat just to have something inside me, that I’m used to.
Maybe it’s the alone time. Living with a team usually means literally living in the same room with six other people and nowhere to go for a little peace and quiet. Yes, I do miss alone time, but yet, if I search hard enough I can find it. My walk to the local “coffee shop” – a hut on the side of the road- gave me the time I needed to breathe and take in the beauty of the country around me. I even pulled a chair under a coconut tree and sat talking to God about my heart for a little. A few nights ago I sat under the stars and cried as I released a little bit more of myself to God. So no, alone time I can find and often times it’s much more inspiring than in America.
Do I miss the beauty of America? I don’t think so, many of the countries we’ve been to have been a thousand times more breath taking than America. I like to remember that even if the people of a country don’t praise God, the rocks and earth do. In my mind that’s why I believe some of these countries are so beautiful. The earth has to praise God much more because the people will not.
The culture, surely that’s something I miss. I mean I am a time oriented person for sure; no question, in my mind and America is one of the few time oriented countries. I’m coping, barely, but I have gotten used to things starting an hour or so later than planned. It’s not what I would choose, but I can excuse the people of the culture because it’s how they live. The people of most other cultures are extremely friendly too, almost friendlier than the South – I know it’s hard to follow up. But I like it a lot, I know that if I was ever hurt, someone would help me. I walk up to a random hut and am handed a child to hold for 30 minutes while I sit around laughing because I can’t understand what is being said. I like the cultures.
So I know what it is, it’s home. I miss home. But what a funny thing to miss. Home to me has become wherever I lay my pack. We move to a village leave for a day and are excited to “go home.” Home has become as fluctuating as everything else in my life, but I know that there is a deeper sense of home that I truly miss. I know that in once place in particular is a group of people that love me no matter how harsh I chose to be on a certain day. They love me no matter how goofy I act. They love me no matter how happy, sad, irritated, grumpy, dirty, or loud I happen to be. I miss that. I miss knowing that I will always be forgiven and accepted by these people. I know I have a glimpse of that on the race with my teams, but it’s just not the same.
I know, I know, this is my second blog about wanting to come home, but I do and I need your prayers. I need you to pray for my mind to stay here in whatever country I happen to be in at the moment. I need you to pray for me to remember why I came on this journey and to finish it out. I chose to serve people all over the world for 11 months and satan wants nothing more than for me to focus on home. Pray that I focus on the goodness of what is around me, the goodness of God.
The most important thing He has taught me this year: Mission work doesn’t mean overseas, it’s not something you only do when you are thinking about it, it’s all the time, it’s life. Literally this year mission work has been my life. I have to think about it constantly because people are constantly watching. This is how I want to live my life always. Aware of the impact I make in the Kingdom and serving it to the best of my abilities.
Pray for me. I’m praying for you.
Love you all.
