I travel.
It’s my role.
I bounce around from place to place for a month visiting people across an entire country.
I enjoy the travel.
I enjoy the people.
Some moments are harder than others. Like when you’ve spent two weeks in the same city and it starts to feel comfortable and like a second home, then you have to leave it. That is hard. But then I get to the new place with the new people and I learn to be comfortable once again.
Each time I travel, I get a whole new group of people. They are all part of the big group of 50, but it’s a unique set of personalities each time. It’s so funny because I have so much fun with every team, but it’s a different kind of fun. One group is just a bunch of wierdos and I can be 100% goofy with them, while another group has a more sarcastic sense of humor. It’s interesting to see the dynamics of a team play out.
It’s been two months and I feel like I know my squad pretty well and they love me a lot. I see that every time I join a group, they truly want me around – or they are really good at pretending they do! But still, there is the momentary feeling of uncertainty that creeps in as I enter the group.
Do they really want me here? Do they value my opinion? Am I going to add anything of worth to this team?
The insecurities and doubts begin to whisper softly into my ears as I brace for the judgment to come. I don’t know why I still have this apprehension when I join a team. I know who I am, but Satan seems to think that I don’t. And he’ll try to scheme up ways to keep me quiet because we both know that I was called to this place of leadership and I’m great at it.
Not to toot my own horn, it’s God that does it. There are so many times when I sit in awe of God and think, I never would have followed me 5 years ago, shoot I wouldn’t have followed me 2 years ago, but I’d follow me now. The Lord has massively uprooted the old me and has taught me so much about leaning on Him and His wisdom.
So that’s what the attacks are against. I KNOW that I’m not that great without Jesus. That’s a fact. I’m pretty awful at leading when I try to do it on my own, so the whispers are about MY capabilities. So how do I fight the attack? I agree with it.
“Yup, I’m a pretty crappy leader.”
Then I speak the truth that is being left out.
“But Jesus lives within me and He is the best leader. Thus, Him in me makes me an awesome leader.”
I walk into a team knowing that I’m going to mess up some things, but that I’ve got a really good God who works things together for the good of those who seek His righteousness. I hear the lies of the deceiver and turn to the one who is truth.
I often tell people, the first time a thought enters your mind, blame it on the evil one; the second time is on you. I can hear the lies, but I refuse to camp out on them because they are obviously not true.
This is a season of me learning even more what it means to stand in confidence in the Lord, believing not in myself but in Christ who lives in me. Please continue for me in this journey.
“I have been crucified with Christ; and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.”
-Galatians 2:20
