I am really good at loving and serving others. I can get something for them if they ask, I can allow them to use my food, I will scratch backs, play with hair, do hair, if you ask me to do anything I will be 100% willing to do it. Probably not if its gross XD.
But something that has been brought to my attention that I have been struggling with is people serving me. It has always been hard for me to let people serve and love me. What does this look like? It looks like people lending or giving me money, letting me have their food. . . especially if it’s their last piece or serving of food. It has always been my mind set that it’s super weird if someone is willing to give ME something of theirs. ME! Which is ironic because I give to others all the time. I don’t know if it is because I have never really been exposed to people’s generosity like I am here with my squad mates or if it is because that’s just how my mind works.
But one thing that has been brought to my attention is that if I don’t let others serve me I’m not serving them by letting them serve me. It was such a weird concept to process. How is it possible to serve someone by letting THEM serve me?? How do I let someone give something up that is theirs or better yet their time? I thought it was selfish if I accepted something that is for me. But in reality it actually is prideful of me to not accept someone’s service. I had tried googling biblical references about letting others serve yourself as a way of serving them but I couldn’t find anything relating specifically to what I am talking about.
And now because I have been told about my “serving problem” I have been asking for things and letting people serve me more often. Sometimes it is still hard but it has been easier. Just today I had asked if anyone had any raisins. Small things like that is one more step closer to where I want to be. Also, this may not be exactly what I am talking about but in the Bible there is a woman who anoints Jesus’ feet with expensive oils. Here is the verse → Luke 7:37-38 “And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at a table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, and standing behind him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed His feet and anointed them with the ointment.” This verse reminds me of how the woman served Jesus but was impacted or served by being so close to Jesus and Him letting her, a sinner, cover His feet with ointment. I think it is such a beautiful thing to see this verse with a different perspective.
Also update on Malaysia!! I am here in Penang, an island just by the mainland. I get to live by the water in a building called PenHop (Penang House of Prayer). The building was an old bank turned into a place where people can come and interceed and worship together. Part of my squad lives here and two other teams lives on the mainland. But the rest of the squad and myself live on the top level of the building in a space where each team has their own room. There is a living room with only couches and the room blends into the dining room where there is a long skinny table where people crowd around it to eat. Then there is the kitchen where we cook pasta in a water dispenser and toast and chicken nuggets in a toaster oven. Those and a microwave are the only appliances available to us. Which we make out of the best we can, what can I say? It’s the race life. For my team we have two small bunk beds and three mattresses (MegaBed!!) on the floor and none of the floor can be seen except by the door. Every morning I know if someone is awake because I can feel my bed being moved because someone is stepping on it. But ya know I’m not complaining one bit because I have an actual bed while others in the world don’t. Ministry on the other hand is very relaxed and chill. We have actual ministry one day of the week at a place called House of Hope where it is a mix between a place where people can get food and water and a daycare/after school-school. We have been only praying, worshipping, doing prayer walks and organizing a little library. But it has been so cool to do. When it’s not Wednesday I’m normally in the PenHop prayer room interceding for others through prayer. Sometimes I don’t have anything until 1pm and I get to chill with my team, go grocery shopping or go exploring. Mainly exploring has been walking around Little India. Ironic because we’re going to India next in just 10 days. One really cool thing that happens on Wednesday is Outreach where we get to go out and evangelize. It’s as simple as just talking with someone or getting to pray for a random person who looks like they could use prayer. Last week a group of us got to pray over a man who lost his legs a while back. He couldn’t fully understand why we were praying but it was really cool that I got to see him being exposed to Christ and our prayers.
I am going to end this blog with a prayer couple requests. I ask that you guys pray for me and that I let people serve me with an open heart. Also that I can reach my FINAL fundraising deadline before January!
