This week we started our fifth academic week of classes at Messiah. What is crazy is that in a matter of 2 weeks, I’ll be heading on a plane down to Gainesville, GA to meet my teammates for the World Race. This week I decided to try out my backpacking pack, fill it up with supplies, and go for a walk/hike. We have a fitness test while at training camp, and thankfully Messiah has some hills which help create good practice. I loaded up my pack and went for a walk. I decided to take our fitness trail to access a back road for further walking. To my surprise, I had to cross a lot of mud.
On the path, I took steps along the side to avoid stepping in too deep. I was trying to avoid getting messy, tracking the mud all over, and splashing it on the backs of my legs. I did the best I could but couldn’t get away from the mud. It was mushy and wet. I got splashed, and my shoes got dirty. I couldn’t help but be taken back to childhood memories where I also tried to avoid getting messy.
I tend to prefer the predictable and the clean. I want things to go the way they are planned and for things to be neat and tidy. When things are messy, I can feel uncomfortable and am often more self-conscious of how I look throughout my messiness. Instead of accepting and embracing the messiness, I either try to get through it as quick as possible or ignore the fact that it even exists.
The thing is… life isn’t always packaged in a neat, tidy, clean box. I can’t always be put together or expect others to do the same. Sometimes the road gets wet, and the mud can’t be avoided. Life comes at you with a large splash, and all you can do is try to dodge it or embrace it.
I’m learning that life isn’t meant to be lived in caution. I believe God calls us to be brave, take risks, challenge ourselves, and step out of our comfort zone. These choices may come with a side of mud. With that, mud is going to be a typical part of the path of life. Our shoes will get dirty. We’ll find rocks stuck in the soles of our shoes. Our feet may feel tired at the end of the day or at different moments of the path.
I don’t know what the mud symbolizes in your life, but for me I think the mud can symbolize different things. It can symbolize the imperfections and brokenness I catch and experience in my life. I live in this broken world and often put these heavy weights on my shoulder to do life perfectly – to build lots of connections, to grow in knowledge, to accept multiple roles, and to fill my schedule. To prepare as much as I can in order to thrive and succeed. This weight though can be exhausting to hold. I’m starting to recognize the pressure I put on myself to do it all and how much effort I take in order to hide my imperfections. Desiring to be the best friend, best listener, best student, best leader, best writer, and best fundraiser. The thing is… God doesn’t ask me to be the best in all that I do. He asks me to first love God and love others and second that in all that I do, I do it all for His glory.
I don’t have to seek to be number one, to get the recognition, to be known, to be accepted, to be affirmed. He desires me to live each moment for Him. And sometimes He asks me to not do but just be.To recognize the freedom He gives by the power of the Holy Spirit rather than living to prove something.
I also see the mud symbolizing the uncomfortable. Mud is uncomfortable for me. I don’t jump right in, splash around, or embrace it. I shy away, walk to the side, and try to avoid it. Sometimes God wants us to walk through the uncomfortable though to learn more and more about who He is and His creation. To not feel a pressure to be perfect and prepared in each moment but to embrace the new, the unknown, the uncomfortable. And most of all, to seek Him in it. I don’t have to walk through the mud by myself, but He is with me.
As I prepare for this journey ahead, I pause to recognize the need to get comfort with the uncomfortable. I’m getting ready to step into a lot of unknowns. As I prepare for training camp, I’m trying to do my best to balance finishing my degree and preparing my heart for what’s next. I’d be lying if I said it has been easy. As I think and plan through the next few weeks, I’m starting to figure out classes that will be missed and assignments to get done early. It can be a little overwhelming, but God reminds me that it doesn’t have to all get done in one day or one weekend. It will get done little by little. I believe He put me in this place at this time for a reason. I trust that as I continue to step forward in faith that He will continue to provide and direct my steps.
I ask for your prayers in this time for a few different areas: for my team and I as we get our gear and belongings together for training camp, for safety arriving to Gainesville, GA on October 15th, for balancing my classes and work assignments, and for taking care of myself mentally and physically in this time. I also ask for prayers regarding the mud and the uncomfortable, that God would bring meaning and clarity to these moments. I pray for a teachable heart, open to the lessons God wants to teach me as He shapes and molds me during this time. I pray that in this support raising process that God continues to provide in big ways, and I praise Him for the funds and t-shirt sales that have already been confirmed. He deserves all the praise! I am amazed to see how God continues to show His power and ways as He directs my steps and brings me closer to Him. I’m trusting in Him and praying to release the weight I continue to hold within me to do it all or be the best at it all. I pray that He continues to teach me who I am in Him and draw me closer in relationship with Him. Ultimately, so I can love Him and others the best that I can each and every day.
Thank you all who have supported my through prayers and fundraising so far! After adding in the most recent t-shirt fundraiser, I am around 61% fundraised! I want to invite you to join me on this journey as I seek to learn and understand and share with you how God continues to move in the lives of His people. Please feel free to connect with me via email, phone, social media, or in person – I’d love to talk and share more!
