Trying to explain to someone why I want to go on the World Race can sometimes feel like trying to explain the seasons to my preschoolers. “What do you mean fall? Like fall down? That hurts.” “If it says spring, it can’t ever be cold because spring is beside the hot one on the chart. Right, Miss Madison?” “What do you mean it’s winter? It was just fall yesterday, Miss Madison!” Maybe it isn’t this difficult, but it can feel that way when trying to articulate why I feel the need to leave everything and everyone I love for 9 months to go to remote villages to tell people about Jesus.
I have never had a doubt about my calling. I knew when I was 14 years old that I would be a missionary. Over time, my longing to share the gospel has only grown stronger. I guess I just can’t imagine a world where my Abba doesn’t hold my hand every day. I cannot imagine what it would be like to not get to talk to Him. I think of the billions of people who have never even heard the name of Jesus. Those who have not ever experienced His embrace, simply because they don’t have the opportunity to know Him. Those who will die, never having heard what He did on the cross.
When I was about to turn 16, my parents divorced. We were a prominent family in our church. My parents had taught multiple Sunday school classes, bible studies, and had always been an example of what people thought was a healthy relationship. When they announced their separation, I remember feeling completely alone. My church family never sent a text, never called, and never asked how we were. My family was now considered no longer useful for the kingdom of God by those around us. Slowly, I found myself losing hope. I wondered what I had done that was so wrong. I wondered why God had allowed my family to break right before my eyes. I cried knowing that my children wouldn’t have normal grandparents. I cried knowing my parents would no longer spend Christmas together in the same house with us. I cried remembering what it was like when everything was still okay. I couldn’t see anything but brokenness, and it was always there, no matter where I looked.
But. God.
He was there. Even in the midst of everyone else leaving. Even when I ran from Him, angry at Him for allowing my family to crumble. Even when I cursed His name. Even when I turned my back on Him and decided to try life without Him. Even when I was the definition of unworthy, He called me loved. He called me wanted. He called me worthy of the name Child of God. He took me in, scars and all, and didn’t see me as less than. He didn’t see me as a project to be fixed up. He didn’t see me as incomplete or unfinished. He saw me as priceless. As a treasure that He longed to hold. My parents’ divorce and my brokenness wasn’t my identity to Him. Instead, I was simply loved. Fully, and endlessly.
I say all of that to say this: I could not have made it through that time in my life without Christ. I would not be close to the person I am now. I would not have had any reason to have hope of something beautiful coming out of something so heartbreaking. And that is exactly how those who do not know God must walk through life. Whether they believe in a god that doesn’t exist, or they rely on themselves, anything other the Jesus Christ is like a house built on sand. It will only sink, with no hope of standing on solid ground.
When people ask me why I want to go on the World Race, I tell them this. I want to share the hope that gets me up in the morning. I want to tell them of the Holy Hand that holds mine. I want to explain to them the cross on Calvary, and why it is the only thing that matters in this lifetime. I want them to know that, no matter their history, no matter their race, no matter their gender, no matter their social status, no matter their bank account balance, no matter the mistakes they continue to make, no matter who their family is, no matter how unworthy. EVERYONE is known, loved, and wanted by Jesus Christ. I will not rest until every nation and every tongue knows just how loved they are by God, and just how worthy of their love He is. May they all know, and may I be a vessel for the best news this world will ever hear.
for His glory alone,
Madison Green
