It’s a rainy day here in Waldorf, and I am coming out of a really long week. This season has had a lot of those weeks. I’m incredibly busy, very driven, but at the same time, very tired and very overwhelmed. In case you didn’t know, I have to raise $5,000 by June 1st. In case you didn’t know, that’s a big number. And wow does it consume my mind on a regular, everyday basis.
This trip is my calling encapsulated. It is everything I have dreamed about since God called me to be a missionary. The thought of getting to shower people who have never had the opportunity to love Jesus with His truth makes me want to cry tears of joy. I have never fit in, never been with the “in” crowd, and most certainly have never been popular. But God has always been calling me away from all of that. Instead, He calls me closer to His heart. Closer to His hands. Closer to His children who have wandered far from His face. That is my idea of paradise. Of completion. Of utter grace.
I think that’s why this particular season has been so difficult for me. If I cannot get this trip funded, I won’t be able to see those dreams become a reality, or at least see them become a reality anytime soon. I want more than anything for it to miraculously get paid for, but for now, that hasn’t happened. Instead, I am here in the middle of the wait. In the middle of learning what trust actually means in action. I want more than anything to glorify God in everything I do. I want to be in a posture of worship always, and to never settle for a life less than one that brings God glory.
So, that is my new goal. As much as I want to move forward and fully fund my trip right now, I know that that will only happen in God’s timing. I can’t rush a season of waiting. I’ve waited for lots of things in my life. For better circumstances, for easier school days, for self-confidence, for more time, for relationships to work out, for old ones to start again, for people to forgive me. If I can wait for all of those things that seemingly fade as quickly as they came, I can most certainly wait for this. This is worthy of every part of me. And He is worthy of every second I wait.
