Dear Old ‘Friends’,
I have put quotes around friends due to now knowing there is nothing friendly about any of you. I am happy to say the term ‘old’ is not one I use lightly, as I abhor your presence today.
You all appeared, masked as friends, but you never had my best interest at heart. Sure, you offered me your hands when I was at my lowest, but you only led me to darker, lonelier places.
I’m talking to you – Shame, Unforgiveness, and Fear.
Most of you infiltrated my life at a young age, but the most peculiar part about your ‘friendships’ is that each of you audaciously tried to gain more ground in my life at the most interesting time… When I started following Jesus, you all rushed in and seemingly wanted to hang out with me much more often. Before, when I was living for my self and following my own desires, you were around – but you were not as interested in taking up my time. Maybe I just became more aware of your presence after laying down my life to follow Christ, or maybe your presence truly was increased and this was all calculated on your parts. Either way, I now see past your consoling facades.
Shame. You, perhaps, pursued me the most persistently. I have to give it to you; you were there for me every single time I stumbled or faltered. You reminded me of my wrongdoing, and you told me that my failures defined me. You suggested that I was worthless and unclean, and you were not entirely wrong. You led me to a place riddled with insecurity, and you told me I could never leave. You beat me down and suffocated me, but for some reason I could not get enough of you – I thought you were what I deserved. I let you take hold of my hand, and your grip left me bruised time and time again.
However, Shame, over the last year I have walked exponentially closer to my Heavenly Father, and this means I have devastating news for you, ‘friend’. My faithful Shepherd, Jesus, has shown me a better way than reaching for your condemning grasps. You see, He too is there when I stumble or falter. The difference? He meets me with His truth about my identity. He extends His grace-filled hands while reminding me, “You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light,” (1 Peter 2:9).
Remember when I previously said, “You were not entirely wrong,” about my worthlessness or my uncleanliness? In the natural sense of things, I am unclean and I am unworthy, BUT dear ‘friend’, I do not serve a God that is natural in any way. He is Supernatural, and through Him – I am worthy and I am made new! This truth means that I no longer have any use for you. Never will I reach for you or your filthy hands again.
Unforgiveness. You crept into my life when I was most vulnerable, and you wrapped me up tightly in layers of your ugly arms. You are an old, old ‘friend’ and I feel as if I know you better than most. You reached me through offering me a sense of entitlement. You told me I rightly warranted anger, and by worldly standards – you weren’t wrong. You let me lean on your shoulder as you attempted to harden my heart toward those who had hurt me. As a ‘friend’, you began to build walls of brick for me, and I allowed it – because, “That was good for me,” you said. I initially accepted and even liked your methods because they offered me a false sense of protection for my heart.
The worst part about you, Unforgiveness, was that you never came to me alone. You always brought other unwanted companions, like Bitterness and Self-Pity. I allowed you all to gain momentum in my life by permitting you to rehash the past. Like grave-robbers digging for gold, you unearthed things in my heart that were never yours to take.
Fortunately for me and unfortunately for you, I have reclaimed these pieces of my past and I have placed them in the hands of my Heavenly Father. Through this, He has taught me the beauty and the freedom that comes with dismissing you. Unforgiveness, I am done with you and your companions.
Fear. You, my ‘friend’, are conceivably the sneakiest and most deceptive of them all. You infiltrated my life at a young age, and the longer I held onto you – the more you evolved. You told me that I could not do certain things, that I should hold back from sharing past hurts, and that I was the only one who struggled with sin patterns. You partnered with Unforgiveness in ‘trying to protect me’, and you laid mortar to his brick walls around my heart. You offered me a counterfeit version of shelter in your cave of isolation, and you told me that I would never have a purpose here on earth.
You too have your fair share of companions that I allowed to speak into my life. You can let these confidantes of yours – Abandonment, Rejection, and Fear of Man – know that I am done with all of you. Quite frankly, there is no place for any of you in my life any longer because I have been introduced to the sweetest gift of all – the love of Christ. Unfortunately for you, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,” (1 John 4:18a). I now see through your knock-off attempts at ‘protection’, and I have traded you for the real thing – shelter under the wings of the Most High (Psalm 91:1).
I now know, old ‘friends’, you were never friends at all. I take full responsibility for giving you ground in my life, but I am now revoking any claims you may think you have to my heart and to my life. You see, I am a Co-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17), and I do not have time for ‘friends’ like you. You may no longer take my hands, for they belong to my Heavenly Father.
**The book, Hinds’ Feet on High Places inspired parts of this blog. This allegory gave me new perspective on my walk with Christ, and I highly recommend reading it**
