As a mid-year sophomore who was drowning in feelings of loneliness, comparison, and apathy, applying to the World Race was quite exciting. I finally knew where the Lord was calling me and I knew that with that I would be provided a place of belonging in a family of 39 like-minded people. I felt a renewed sense of purpose and passion in my life.
At training camp, all my excitement was validated when I met the most amazing people and got a glimpse into what the next nine months would look like. I left feeling empowered and ready to take on the adventure. But as the time between training camp and launch has quickly come and gone, fear and worry snuck in and took the place of excitement and hunger for the Lord. Over the past few weeks in particular, the majority of my days have been spent in anxious thought and I’ve been struggling to deal with the emotions.
I have been trying to keep all of my emotions behind closed doors. This means not letting people know I’m sad, scared, and anxious, but it also meant not letting people know I’m excited out of fear of people thinking I won’t miss them, don’t love my life at home, etc..
I was spending some much needed time with the Lord when I heard Him telling me to stop putting up a wall and to just let myself feel. “Let yourself feel. Feel the pain of goodbyes. Feel the anxious heartbeat that makes itself known every time someone asks about how packing is going. Feel the fear. But don’t let it consume you. And don’t forget that letting yourself feel also means feeling the joy. Feel the excitement. Feel My presence. Feel My love.”
My heart is flooded with emotions as I have learned that feeling is a good thing. Feeling means I’m human. It means I’m alive. Feeling is healthy. Today I have a very thankful heart to have people at home who make it so hard to say goodbye, but more importantly I have an eager-to-love God who wants to use me for mighty things. I have two days left in the states that are basically back-to-back goodbyes. And then I have nine months of hellos and hallelujahs, and my heart cannot frickin wait to experience it all.
Thank you to everyone who is bearing with me as I ride this roller coaster of emotions. Despite all my feelings, I know there is no reason to fear. My fears are drowned in PERFECT LOVE. How stinkin cool? If you want to know more about this perfect love, I’d love to chat.
IG: madisonkelseyc
Facebook: Madison Collin
Email: madisonkelseyc@gmail
