FRIENDSHIP! What a beautiful thing! This blog has been really special to write because it incorporates ideas from all my best friends’, and allowed me to spend time reflecting on friendship in the truest and rawest form. The format will start off with definitions from my friends about what friendship means to them, and the following will be my spiel.
“Friendship is sharing. Sharing life, love, clothes, food, memories, laughs, tears, hopes, dreams, heartbreak, accomplishments, Time energy, and all the things!”
“It was Plato who said, “Friendship is not so much a thing-in-itself as it is a process for becoming. True friends seek together to live truer, fuller lives by relating to each other authentically and by teaching each other about the limitations of their beliefs and the defects in their character, which are a far greater source of error than mere rational confusion.” A true friend is one of the highest forms of love that you can work to obtain in any sort of relationship. Being a true and simple friend to someone is not having the same opinions or liking the same things. It’s not talking to them every single day. Neither of those things is essential to friendship. Being a true friend is participating in a higher form of love, which involves helping each other grow through discussion and acts of kindness. Being a true friend is being honest and loyal, which in turn means you are loving someone despite their flaws. Being a friend is one of the most rewarding accomplishments you can participate in life, and overwhelmingly is what makes life worth living. It’s not always easy, but friendship is always worth it.”
“Friendship is being available for someone in difficult times and in joy. Be around for someone to be their whole and true self and you be able to do the same. It’s being supportive but also sharing truth when its not what they want to hear. Friendship is doing life alongside someone else with each other’s best interest at heart.”
“A friend is someone who you can hurt and disappoint today, and tomorrow they will be there to hear you cry or celebrate with you!”
“Friendship usually happens either by choice or happenstance. It makes you feel the whole spectrum of emotion, and it can influence who you become as a person.”
“Friendship is having no fear when you say goodbye to somebody because you know that love was never tied down or dependent on physical proximity in the first place. to have a friend is to be seen by someone for where your heart is at, and being loved through + through. a good friend pours passion into your life by how much they believe in you. a good friend makes the little things the really, really big things.”
“My definition of friendship is the people in our lives that challenge us and help us grow. I believe that God calls us to love our neighbor and be willing to die for those around us, we don’t get to be picky-choosy, we have to love them all. friends are the special people in our lives that will die for you back.”
“Friendship isn’t one big thing, but a million little things. I remember I put that as my first Instagram caption with a picture of my best friend and it still reigns true to this day. friendship is coffee conversations and midnight movie dates. friendship is laughter while scrolling through twitter together and making a meal. friendship is loaning a t-shirt and jamming with each other in the car to your favorite songs. friendship is calling each other higher and being there to pick each other up when you stumble. friendship is a healing hug and a helping hand. friendship is a million little things that equal one of the greatest things life has to offer.”
These are some of my best friends’ definitions of friendship. I asked friends from different time periods of life, some I see every day and some who I haven’t seen in years. I asked them for a few reasons! First of all, I knew I wanted to write a blog about friendship and thought it’d be cool to put all the different things friendship can mean to people. I also wanted to just compare how my friends define friendship as I’ve been reflecting a lot lately about how my definition of friendship has changed over the years.
Living in the same room as 4 of my best friends for past seven months has drastically changed what I think a good friend is. To be clear, this doesn’t mean I think any less of my friends and friendships at home, in fact, in some ways I’ve learned to love and appreciate them even more by redefining what a good friend is.
A few years ago, I would’ve said a good friend is someone who supports you no matter what – someone who cheers you on whether they agree with you or not. Now, I have tasted and seen that a good friend is someone who loves you no matter what, but who says the really dang hard things and calls you higher when you’re actually not doing what’s best. A good friend looks at you and says “I love you, but things have got to change. Let’s walk through it together.” I look back at high school and my first few years of college where I have had friends do this, and I remember being so annoyed that my friends weren’t supporting me, but what I didn’t understand is they really were! but in a much better way than I thought. they were supporting who they knew I wanted to be and what I wanted my life to be about and not supporting bad habits and little pitfalls in my character.
I also would’ve said a good friend forgives and forgets! You get hurt, you forgive, and life goes on. But I realllly disagree with that now. The past eight months have been a big long process of learning how to communicate, and part of that is telling people when they hurt you in the most loving way. Never out of selfish intent, but to eliminate false harmony and bring about true harmony and forgiveness – without pushing things down under the surface. It’s really freaking hard to know you hurt someone, but it’s such a breath of fresh air to know you’ve been truly forgiven and to know you can go on, intentionally not doing a hurtful thing again and without an elephant in the room. I can look back and see in friendships where I’ve lacked this quality and how I let hurt build up without ever talking about it, resulting in a less strong friendship and a tension that won’t leave until it’s addressed.
Friendship is about empowerment! Rooting for each other! It’s not a competition and it shouldn’t ever be. Thankfully, I don’t think I’ve really had friendships that are stained with jealousy or competition, but I know that the past eight months I’ve been so uplifted, encouraged, and edified by the gals I’m living with and it changed everything. I read an article the other day about how much more likely women are to be successful if they have a group of other women cheering them on and lifting them up.
I love this passage from Acts 4:32-37 “All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.” Friendship & community is providing and caring for people! When someone lacks, friends come together to support and make living possible! It’s not a poverty mindset but it’s a mindset of sharing what we’ve been given with the people we love.
And of course, friendships are all about FUN! I love my friend’s definition that ended with “a good friend makes the little things the really, really big things.” (shoutout to cami). Whether it’s a rockin day zip lining through a jungle or just a walk down the road you’ve walked the past 90 days, everything feels like a big thing. it’s exciting because of your company, not your circumstance. I think about how much my friends have rejoiced with me and I get so :’) emotional!!! I celebrate a victory from home that literally doesn’t affect my friends at all but guess what!? they’re still celebrating with ear to ear smiles and happy dance jumpies! because any little thing is a big thing! and any celebration that’s mine is yours!
I’ve noticed a shift in what’s important to me in friendship. It’s not that we like the same music, or that we know the same people, or that we grew up together. All of those things can be aspects, but they’re not essential to the core of friendship. What’s important is the values that run deep and the main intentions in a friendship. Of course, all relationships have some occasional turmoil and rocky roads, but when your intention is to love fiercely and forgive freely, beautiful relationships can grow. Relationships that result in both people growing and flourishing into better people!
