After months of praying and not feeling like I have heard from Jesus, He finally spoke. And I decided to listen. And it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
For months I have been praying about what to do with some things in my life. I didn’t want to bring these worries on the trip with me but I did. I had a hard frustrating first month and at the very end of the month I prayed. I prayed asking God for guidance, asking him to either tell me clearly to “stay” or “let it go”of something I had in my life. I also prayed to him and asked him if he wanted me to fast. I decided not to fast because I wasn’t sure I knew enough about it to be comfortable doing it. Well four days later, I realized I hadn’t eaten since the day I prayed, which is when everything started to happen.
We were sitting at debrief and my squad mentor came up to me, (this is someone I havent talked to really, and knows nothing really about me), and she says “Madison I have a vision for you from God I need to share with you now!” I was like okay sure. She went on to tell me that she had saw me climbing a ladder. I was going up and up and up, it never ended. At one point I turned and looked down and all the steps I stepped on previously were gone, so I couldn’t do back down. She told me that I would never get off the ladder unless I jumped and took a leap of faith and trusted God. Then out of no where she said, “Let it go”. I said, “what did you just say!?” She repeated it, “Let it go.” I wept. She didn’t even know what I needed to let go of she just told me what God told her. I didn’t think I was strong enough to do this even after she had told me. And then God spoke again.
Later on I met with one of my squad leaders. She had told me that a few days ago God gave her something to tell me. I walked into the room where she was waiting for me and the first thing she said when I sat down was, “God wants me to tell you that you are stronger than you think you are.” Wow. Okay now I’m sobbing! I knew what I needed to do but I didn’t want to listen to God and I didn’t want to do it. But I knew that this confirmed what God was telling me.
After meeting with that squad leader, my squad coach and another leader came up to me at separate times and told me that they wanted to talk to me. I was like what is going on, why does everyone want to talk to me right now? They didn’t know what was going on but just felt lead by the Holy Spirit to talk to me. Also such a cool, clear sign from God.
Later that day I let go of something I loved with my whole heart and didn’t want to let go of at all. I cried and sobbed and was a total mess. I still am. But I listened to God. It was so hard and it hurt so bad and Im not sure that I feel peace about it yet but I know what God told me and it was clear and I chose to listen.
I thanked him for speaking to me. Now I am asking him for peace, healing and strength.
“Even youths grow wearing and young men stumble and fall. But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:30-31
I know God will renew my strength in time.
