What does it mean to be truly authentic? Is it sharing every detail about your life, including deep dark secrets, with those around you? Is it synonymous with honesty? Is it being the same no matter where you are and who you are with? Is it being self-aware?
These are questions I have been asking myself for a while now. Because somehow I seem to wrestle with what it means to be authentic. The question who am I? feels difficult to answer. Maybe that is because there are a lot of things that define me. Or maybe I don’t know myself as well as I would like to.
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In one of my classes, our professor had us do an exercise that was quite eye opening. We divided a piece of paper into two columns, and wrote “false self” on one side and “real self” on the other. She told us that for the false side, we were to write things about us that others expect us to be, or what we want to project to other people. She said the easiest way to identify this was to reflect on recent times when we felt “less free” and more “weighed down.” For the real self column, we were asked to right down traits that made us feel most “alive.”
Want to challenge yourself? Try it. It proved to be far more challenging than I could have anticipated. Not necessarily because I didn’t know what to write, but that the traits that fell in each column made me feel a bit uneasy.
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Have you ever taken a personality assessment? Myers Briggs, Strengths Finder, Eneagram, True Colors, Love Languages, etc. I have always been fascinated by them and find that they provide a great deal of insight into our core being. Are the results perfect? Of course not. But I have always found it interesting.
Recently, I had to take the Myers Briggs for the second time, and got a different result than I had previously. And this really troubled me for whatever reason.
Have I changed? But…I identified so strongly with what it told me I was the first time I took it.
As I read through the description of what the 4 letters I received meant for my personality, it kind of bothered me that it actually resonated with me. And if I am being completely humble and honest, I think it is because I often act out of my false self, rather than my real self. When coming face to face with traits that actually describe me to my core, all I felt was uncomfortable. I had to accept both the fact that I had changed as well as a new understanding of how I function.
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I was told recently that when striving towards authenticity, I should look at the life of Jesus as an example. Duh. That seemed kind of obvious. But it was then described to me that Jesus was always 100% authentic, but that He was only ever fully transparent with three people. At the Transfiguration, Jesus showed only Peter, James, and John His truest self. That does not mean He hid anything or lied to everyone else, but full transparency was embodied in this moment on a mountain with three of His disciples. I had never understood transparency vs. authenticity in this way…but it makes a lot of sense.
I think to be authentic, we first must understand ourselves and how we operate. I’ve been asking myself a lot of reflective questions lately such as: What brings me joy? What motivates me? What do I value? What weighs me down? Simple. Yet, somehow it has been hard to get to the core of the true answers.
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Want to get to know yourself? Take a few steps into loneliness. I know that no one ever wants to be lonely, but it is fascinating how much you can learn about yourself when you are left alone with your thoughts. When you can’t define yourself by those around you. When it is just you and Jesus and your thoughts and His voice. When you stop trying to figure out who you want to be, and focus on who you were created to be. Because there is a great difference.
If we are truly made in God’s image, we are already authentic. We are hemmed together by the truest, purest, and most wonderful creator who makes the most beautiful things. We are lovely because He loves us. Finding authenticity is not only a search of the soul, but more so a striving towards the Lord.
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How wonderful is it that the Lord has brought me through a lonely season of refinement before sending me into 11 months of constant community and service? He’s beautiful and wonderful and so worthy of all the praises. He knows what He is doing. His timing is perfect. He doesn’t do things to tease or harm us. He is purposeful and loving.
I urge you to seek God with all that you have. You’ll be surprised with how much of yourself you find along the way. Let Him show you the most authentic you. You’ll stand in awe. I promise.
