At the end of every month I assign a word to it, kind of summing up the “thyme” of the month.
This month that thyme is silence.
We’re in a town that is a silent culture. When people do speak, it’s usually quietly.
We’re alone on the third floor of a building that is empty/silent except for Sunday mornings.
We’ve battled sickness all month, so we often don’t feel up to talking much either.
I was sick alone, left in complete silence for two days as the others went to ministry.
But the hardest silence has been from God Himself.
I asked what I should do when I return to the States.
Silence.
I asked if I should even begin to think of planning for post-race.
Silence.
I asked for direction in how to better serve our host.
Silence.
It was so silent, I began to ask Him to just speak something, anything.
Silence.
I’ve wanted to be angry with Him. But what good has that done in the past?
I’ve wanted to start planning anyway. But I’m not feeling peace of any possible decisions.
I didn’t realize just how silent this month had been until I sat down to finally try to process through these past few weeks. I didn’t have ANYTHING to write of what God has been teaching me.
My heart screamed out in the midst of this silence. Why won’t He speak to me?
Then I remembered something someone had said at church before I left for the race. “God is always faithful. But when you don’t see the fruit of that faithfulness, when you’re struggling to not forget, begin recalling times in the past where He’s proved Himself faithful. Don’t set your faith on what the moment seems to hold, but rather what He’s proven as true throughout history.”
So that’s what I’m doing.
I don’t know when He’ll break this silence, but I’m honestly kind of excited to see what He has to reveal to me on the other end what He’s teaching me now through it.
God’s consistent, yet unpredictable.
Like C. S. Lewis said, “He is not a tame Lion.”
So, even though I’m not hearing anything, I refuse to stop listening.
