James 2:19
“You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that – and shudder”
This verse has played a big role in my life recently. It communicates that yes, satan and demons are real. However, just as real as they are, so is our God. And He is more powerful than Satan could ever even dream of being. Here in Ethiopia I have been introduced to a whole new level of spiritual warfare. Knowing that God is so much bigger has been the most encouraging thing to me here.
With all of that being said…
I’m going to do something I don’t do very often. I’m going to be transparent with you. For once I’m going to put any fears of judgement aside. Because honestly, I’m struggling. I am struggling a lot and I want to bring you into it. You are my supporters. You have loved me and walked alongside me in this journey, and you deserve to know the lows as well as the highs.
Maybe you have heard of spiritual warfare and maybe you haven’t. I hadn’t heard of it until training camp. To keep it simple, spiritual warfare is when Satan is trying to work against you. This can come in many forms. The upsetting part is Satan knows us. He knows how to get to us. He knows our insecurities and how to tear us down, and he uses that to his advantage. Spiritual warfare can come in forms of sickness, insomnia, depression or anxiety. It comes in so very many forms. When he sees us building the kingdom and showing the love of the Father to others is often when he likes to attack. Ever since we got to Ethiopia I have been sick the entire time. Everyday it’s something new. I have struggled with stomach viruses, vomiting, muscle pain, and migraines – which is something I never struggled with before. There have been weekends where I have been too depressed to get out of bed. I’ve gone days without eating because I can’t bring myself to get out of bed. There have been nights where I don’t sleep even one minute because my stomach is filled with anxiety.
I thought Ethiopia wasn’t for me. I figured that I just didn’t agree with Ethiopia for whatever reason. One night I called my dad and the second I heard his voice I lost it. This man has taken care of me my entire life. He is my safe space. And here I am sick all the time. Mentally I am not at my best. And to top it off, I’m in the middle of Africa – far away from him. I broke down and told him how much I was struggling. Honestly, I was secretly praying he would offer to buy me a plane ticket home… but he didn’t. And THANK YOU, DAD! Thank you for not letting me give up.
After that conversation, I was able to figure out what was happening. Spiritual warfare! I have known that I’m surrounded by villages that practice witchcraft. I have known there are demons present here. I know that. And I know that because I can feel them. Ever since I was little I’ve known that I could feel spirits. However, I didn’t ever know how to talk about it. Because I watched a show called “Long Island Medium” (this show is about a woman who is able to communicate with the dead). Even though that’s not the gift the Lord has given me, I was young and it seemed close enough to me. So I told my dad! I told my dad I was a medium. As you can imagine he wasn’t thrilled. So I wasn’t allowed to watch the show anymore. I get it. I understand. His 12 year old was telling him she could communicate with the dead. What else was he supposed to do? What I didn’t tell him is what actually happens. I didn’t tell him about the visions the Lord has given me.
Visions? Yes. The Lord chooses to communicate to us in unique ways. Some hear him through music or nature. Me? I hear his voice through visions he gives me. When I was 5, I experienced this for the first time. I remember the Lord came to me and he had a man with him. I recognized this man from pictures but I couldn’t place who he was. The man came to me and held me by my ribs and we started breathing together. It felt like I was breathing the cleanest purest air. What I imagine the air is like in heaven. A couple weeks after that I was at Gigis house. Gigi was showing me pictures. And all of a sudden, there he was! There was the man that came to me with Jesus. It was Gigis dad. My great grandfather. He died of lung cancer. He came to me to show me that his lungs are all better. He can breathe now.
The Lord has also given me the ability to feel when a demonic presence is present. Which I wasn’t really aware of until I came to Ethiopia. I noticed every time I walked into the building I sleep in I immediately was filled with anxiety. The best way I can describe it is this way; you know how when you are worshipping and you can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit? You just feel so full of joy, you feel safe, and you feel hopeful. Walking into this building has felt the exact opposite of that. Physically I feel sick. Emotionally, I am anxious and feel unsafe. I feel like something bad is going to happen. It’s a dark feeling. I started being able to pin point where in the building I felt the most like this. I would go to that space and sit and listen. From the Lord, I heard him say “walk with caution, and don’t speak”. He was giving me permission to cast these spirits out. But He doesn’t want me to speak to them. Every night I have been sitting by these spirits and praying against them. The Lord has provided me with the discernment to do this. He has taken away any fear, because as a believer they can’t possess me. I don’t ask why they are here. Because I know. I just pray to the Lord that he assists me in casting them out. Because they have absolutely no place here.
I decided to bring my team into it. And I was scared. I was scared of being judged. I have never talked about the extent of this to anybody. But when I brought them in they were able to come alongside me. They shared spiritual warfare that they have been struggling with lately. They told me I wasn’t alone in this. We have been able to intercede on behalf of this base together.
At the beginning of Ethiopia, Alana told me that the Lord said I was going to become a leader in intercession because my words have weight. And I kind of laughed it off because I grew up thinking praying was a chore. I thought it was just something you HAD to do before eating and before bed. It never really had a deeper meaning. But as I have grown in my faith, I have come to realize when you pray you get to talk to God. You get to talk to the God that made the oceans and the mountains. How crazy is that? And the even cooler thing, He wants to talk to you. He wants to have a relationship with you.
It’s amazing to me that intense spiritual warfare is what made me realize the importance of praying. Intense spiritual warfare is what made me realize the weight of the gift that God has given me. Intense spiritual warfare is what has brought me to my passion for intercession.
So, Alana. What you heard from the Lord was correct. And Dad, thank you for not buying me a plane ticket home.
As I have been praying over the building every night, my sicknesses have died down. Depression and anxiety have ceased. My teammates are becoming stronger in their struggles. We all have a lot of hope. We have a lot of hope for Ethiopia and the base. We have hope for the people and the children here. We are full of hope and so so very gracious for how good the Lord has been to us.
