Earlier this week I had the chance to talk with my old youth pastor about training camp and all of the things that the Lord taught me. While flipping through my journal I saw a doodle that I had forgotten about. The only thing on the page is the phrase, “Love deeply and hold loosely.”
Immediately I was taken back to a slightly air conditioned building in Gainesville, GA. I was sitting on a dirty concrete floor with people that, at this point, were perfect strangers. One of the members of our training team chose to give us this piece of advice for the race: love deeply, hold loosely. At the time I didn’t realize how profound this really was.
At the time, we were talking about how to deal with saying eleven goodbyes to the people that we will meet and inevitably love each month that we are gone. It would be a lot easier to shut down emotionally and keep those you are serving at a distance, but that is not what the Lord wants. The Lord calls us to love. He calls us to sacrifice of ourselves for the sake of others. This kind of love is necessary because people will know we are his disciples by how we love one another. It takes dedication to accept that radical call to a radical kind of love. That caliber of love is hard to sustain.
When you love someone deeply, everything within you tries to hold onto them as tightly as possible. I am now finding that the Lord is calling me to a different kind of love.
Fight or flight is a very real response that people can have. In this season of goodbyes, I am finding that my reaction is to fly. I am not a fan of the reality that is swiftly approaching. I am going to be gone for eleven months. My first reaction is to separate myself from the people I love to make the goodbyes easier. Even though it hurts me to say goodbye to my family and friends I have never doubted my call to go on the world race. The only reason these goodbyes are bearable is because the Lord is showing me a new way to love people.
I am called to love deeply. My job is to love the people around me like Jesus would love them. This is the easier half of the equation. The other half is where the hard part comes in. The reason loving people is easier for me is because the people around me are rock stars. I have been blessed with amazing family and friends that love me well. But still, I am not perfect. I still struggle with the urge to fly and put walls up between my loved ones and myself, but I am working on it. It’s getting easier because the Lord is helping me with the second half of the equation, holding loosely.
One of my favorite ideas about life is that of living open-handedly. When you go through life with open hands there is a fear that you will loose things, but it also gives the Lord an opportunity to bless you with even more than you could imagine. I am learning to be willing to hold loosely the people I love. They were never mine, but they have always belonged to the Lord. On the field I know that I am going to fall fast and hard for some of the people that I am serving. One look into a street kid’s face and I’ll be done for. In those moments I will have to remember that they are not mine, but the Lord’s. He has taken care of them, and he will continue to take care of them after I leave.
I am learning that goodbyes mean I am willing to trust the Lord with the people I love.
If you are wondering how to pray for me, this would be it. Pray that I will continue to learn the best way to love people, but that I will also be able to lay those relationships at the feet of my savior.
This will most likely be the last blog I write from America! The next time you hear from me I will be writing to you from Africa. I still need to raise $4500 to be fully funded. If you feel called, click the support me button to donate. I feel so blessed by all of you. Feel free to share this post to any and all of your friends!
