One of my favorite things I’ve gotten to do here n Africa is read “Kisses from Katie” .she has been a huge inspiration to me so to have the opportunity to read it here is amazing. She has always inspired me, and is a big reason I am even doing the race. She kind of sparked my interest in missions. So because she has inspired me so much I’ve always thought that I would just love Africa as soon my feet hit the soil. I actually cried driving out of the city into the villages, not because of the things I was seeing, but because of God’s grace and mercy. I still can’t rap my mind around how good God is, and I think that’s probably a good thing. I mean how sweet of Him to look down on little old me who still doubts and disobeys Him, yet he has gifted me the opportunity to see all these places, people, and cultures, not leaving me alone in any of it. I was absolutely stunned as soon as I got here by how beautiful it is. But I was a little shaken up the first few days I was here because though I absolutely loved it, I still missed Guatemala. Honestly this may sound a little dumb, but I thought, like Katie I would just know instantly know that I wanted to stay here. But honestly I don’t. The poverty here is something I could never have prepared by heart for. It’s something people tell you, and you hear about but never really understand until you see it. I spent the first few weeks holding a bit of a grudge at God. I just couldn’t understand how He chooses to let me live the life I live yet some people here don’t know what a toilet is, have walls made out of mud, have diseases taking over their bodies and have no way to take care of themselves because they don’t have the funds they need for the medications. We learned quickly here that it is very disrespectful to ask someone what their favorite food is, because they just eat whatever they can get to eat. If you know me, you know I love food! I love to think about it, talk about it, and most of all eat it. So to think about how in the states I can go get whatever I want while these people will take whatever they can get breaks my heart. I was praying that the Lord would give me a little bit of perspective on this, and he did. I was reading Katie and in one of the chapters she said, “I was learning that the powerless, broken, dependent places was actually the place where the Lord was closest to me.” Whoa, thanks God! The Lord really got me with this. He gave me a little bit of Jesus perspective! I’m realizing that they are actually living better in a way. They depend on God for everything, yet I really only depend on Him when I’m struggling. I still don’t really understand all of it, but I’m learning to listen to Isaiah 55:8.
So I know it sounds dumb, but I was kind of disappointed in myself for not feeling this huge connection to Ethiopia like I thought I should. I’m not having all the moments Katie had, I’m having my own. The Lord is using me in different ways than I thought, but it’s been amazing. I don’t think the Lord is calling me to stay here forever, even though I kind of wanted Him to, but He is calling me to live differently wherever I am. Whether I go home and live the American Dream, stay on the missions field, or whatever I do I can never unsee the things I’ve seen or unknow the things I now know. I’ll forever live my life differently.
I can’t look exactly like Katie, or even do it in the same time she did. I can’t be Katie, because there’s only one. Ive got to be Midge, and the Lord is teaching me how much weight that actually carries.
