“There is a significant difference between amazement and faith. God doesn’t just want to blow your mind; He wants to rule your heart”
- Paul David Tripp
Wow. This convicted me.
I started this blog before I left on the Race and never finished, and I think now is the right time to complete it.
When I was about 15 I decided that I wanted to really pursue a personal relationship with the Lord. I’d grown up in church and heard all the stories, but didn’t quite have the relationship part down pat. But let me tell you, once I started seeking, God took that opportunity and ran with it. During that season I remember feeling like my cup was always overflowing, and I was so excited to get into the Word everyday. I would seriously walk into school everyday with the biggest smile on my face because I was so happy! Then after a couple months on this spiritual high that fire started to dwindle a bit. Ever since I’ve had to work really hard to keep that spark alive…..totally on my end of course, because God is always pursuing His relationship with me.
I am starting to realize that maybe I have never truly lived through faith. I’m sure I have to some extent, but I think most of the time I am just living in a state of amazement at God. Amazed at all He has given me, and how He has never left my side. The thought gnaws at me: if I only have faith in God sometimes, is that truly faith?
The definition of faith is the COMPLETE trust or confidence in someone or something. Another definition of faith is the strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. The definition of amazement is a FEELING of great surprise or wonder; filled with astonishment. FEELINGS come and go, FAITH is constant.
Now I realize that we are sinners and our faith will be imperfect because we are sinners. But I want my faith to be the thing I run to, can always hang on to, and put my hope in. Amazement is not like faith; amazement fades. When trouble comes I find myself so easily running to worldly things instead of trusting Jesus. It’s something I am really trying to work on in this season of my life.
One of my squad leaders, Connor, used the analogy of his life as Jenga blocks, and I really loved the visual. Each block represents great things that make up my life. There are so many great things, I am so fortunate. But, while looking at all those blocks of great provision, I’m realizing that maybe God hasn’t really been the foundation of my tower. I think part of the reason He hasn’t been is because I’ve never truly had to depend on Him. Anytime I’ve ever wanted anything in my life I can just go buy it- I pray for things and God has blessed me with so much. My whole life I’ve placed my worth and identity in my accomplishments and what others say about me. And hey! Who can blame me? It makes me feel good when people compliment me and tell me I’m doing well. But in doing so I think I’ve missed the point….that He wants me to just rest in the fact that I am a Daughter. Already forgiven, already loved beyond measure, and already promised to eternity.
Learning so much already. Falling more in love with the Father and this life everyday.
to brokenness and back,
Midge (or maybe I should sign off as Madelyn because Gabe says the Lord doesn’t see me as a midget in His eyes! Also He looked up the definition of Madelyn and guess what?!…..It means a woman who sits on a high tower! Hah! Ironic! God is good!)
P.S. still love the name Midge:)
