Before I even start to get into this blog let me introduce you to Gabe. He went on 11n11 a couple of years ago, and has been working here in Guatemala for a couple of years. Gabe is a leader for us on The Race and truly explemifies what it means to “let the Spirit lead your life.” It is evident in conversations with him that he is always listening to see what Jesus wants him to say. He has poured into us so much here in Guatemala, and I am forever grateful.
Gabe has inspired and taught me so much. He told me this quote one of the first nights of the Race, and I wrestled with it for a couple of weeks:
“Most people follow Jesus to be blessed, only some people follow Him to be transformed.”
It really hit me hard because I realized that for most of my life I’ve lived for myself, putting God in second place, going to Him when I needed something or when something really great happened in my life. Basically I was “most people who follow Him to be blessed.” This wrestling in my soul continued & led me to:
10.3.19……a day I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
All morning long on October 3rd I was wrestling with this concept. Gabe was teaching us and used the quote again and I just inexplicably started crying. There was a battle going inside my heart. It was hitting me that maybe deep down I didn’t want to completely give up all control and comfort to be totally transformed by Jesus for the rest of my life. We started our worship service…..there’s just happens to be a song that really speaks to my heart and has kind of become my anthem on the race. My whole team loves it. Guess which song they played?? My anthem! the song is called Surrounded (Fight My Battles by Upperroom). It played for a few seconds, and y’all!!
GOD MOVED!!
I started realizing how faithful God has been, and I was reminded of Romans 12:2 (which has come up to me everyday since I’ve been in Guatemala so I think God’s trying to tell me something;) –
Romans 12:2 says, ” Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
God opened my eyes to see that giving my life to Him doesn’t have to be this thing that’s gonna make my life really hard, and I’ll have to give up so much that I love. I realized that the more I follow Jesus and get closer to Him, the more I start to think and act like Him. Surrender means I will start to truly love what He loves, want what He wants.
So about halfway through the song I just had to walk out and journal to process all the thoughts swirling in my head. I basically was regiving my life to Christ in my journal while I was bawling my eyes out & listening to the rest of my squad continue to worship. It just so happened that one of my amazing teammates, May, was already getting baptized this day too. We all gathered around a bathtub in front of our base and watched her get baptized. So beautiful! I so admire her heart and the way she always says yes to the Lord. I watched as some of my other sqaudmates also gave/rededicated their lives to Jesus. The whole time I was feeling a pull on my heart to do the same, but feeling embarrassed because I’ve already been baptized when I was 9. But God is so good and unconcerned with those details, & when He puts something on our hearts it literally won’t get out of our minds. I watched as some of my other teammates were getting baptized , and we were singing a worship song to close out. I am still crying at this point. There are too many details to give, but after several people prayed over/encouraged me I got baptized.
What a moment of freedom, revival, and redemption! I made the decision that I want to COMPLETELY give my life to Christ. Agreeing to give up comfort, control, stability, self pride, assurance so I can live a life full of LOVE and JOY with the Lord. I’m ready for a long, crazy, hard, miraculous life with Jesus. Ready to pursue Him forever more. I want to love God truly, not just the blessings he Has given me.
Thank you for supporting my journey with your prayers.
to brokenness and back
-Midge
P.S. Also!! I am selling sweatshirts to try to raise money to help me stay on the field. They are super cute and comfy, and perfect for Christmas gifts!! Here’s the link:
