Laugh or cry, people

 

Philosophy for life- you can either laugh or cry. As for me, I’m going to laugh. If you’re not sure how, let me give you some examples from Ajaa B, subcounty Kwera, Dokolo district, Uganda.

•      You will be given an African name. Not something cool like Nala, but a mispronunciation of your name- Magdalene for me, Drela for Drea, Alice for Hollis, Leash for Leize. It kind of makes it easier to try to be that person you always thought you could be. Like going to college and no longer living in that box your high school friends put you in.
•           When you have Africa stomach going on (think Pepto Bismal commercial), and all that you have is the smallest hole in the ground about 30 yards away and it’s covered with flies and definite smells from the last person… Upon coming out, Pastor Tom will ask you, “Do you find the latrines smellable?”
•             Pick up a baby and it is likely that the mom will ask you to breastfeed her child (btw, we were expressly informed that the only time the breast should be out is when you are breastfeeding, but you can breastfeed anywhere- dinner table, church, market) and the child will go to the bathroom on you (no diapers here). But if you are lucky, Pastor Tom will warn you as you lift the baby up, “Be careful, that baby will vomit in your mouth!” So you can avoid that one.
•           You will eat donuts and tea for breakfast, pineapple for elevensies, beans, rice, and cabbage for lunch, and potatoes, eggs, and milk tea for dinner. Several things will happen during these meals- you may be asked to serve your visitors (the rest of the team), why you refuse (you didn’t put enough rice on your plate), and if you are satisfied (at the end of the meal- and the answer is always yes). If you are lucky and enjoy sugar in your tea like I do, then Pastor Tom will pronounce you friends for life!
•           Leize and Hollis had contact problems so they took them out to the astonishment of Pastor Tom & family. Upon learning about these artificial eyes, we learned that Pastor had artificial teeth!
•          When the rest of the team is out sick, we learn a few things about being sick in the village- NEVER lay down to rest (they think that means you are dying), bathe 3 times a day (they think it washes the illness away), eat more than usual (keeps you healthy), and definitely take your tablets!!!
•           When you go out door-to-door to visit with the community, wear a skirt (that’s how they can be certain you’re a girl), smile a lot, and if you’re the dynamic duo of Madeline & Leize, you may just come home with 2 chickens!!! Dinner, anyone?
•           You will charge your cell phone with a solar panel for 500 USH (25 cents), can fix your glasses at the welder for 900 USH (50 cents), rent a generator and have the entire village flock to your house to watch Nigerian movies, and travel 3 hours one way by motorcycle and crowded vans or rice trucks to get a cold soda and internet.
•           Yes, the team of independent, single, strong women is the best one to:
•             Teach the married women of the church how to be submissive to their husbands, and do the laundry, iron the clothes, and cook. This conference ended up being mostly about love and what the Bible says about it.
•             Hold a conference for all the male pastors of the satellite churches.  In a country where women don’t eat with men and if they want to greet a man, they have to be on their knees, it’s pretty astonishing that they listened to us talk on leading their congregations at all much less when you consider that none of us have ever even worked in a church.
•           Talk with a man married to 8 wives about what to do with all his wives now that he’s a Christian. Yep, that one was probably the most interesting and ended in a lot of prayer.
•             Teach children about HIV/AIDS and the 10 commandments. It’s funny to your teammates when they hear you say things like, “Do not commit adultery- adultery” parroted back by their little African accents.
•             Everything will end in a song, dancing or clapping. Andrea’s birthday was amazing because she was escorted out of her hut like a blushing bride and entertained by the women’s dance team. After greeting a classroom of kids, they may sing the Ugandan national anthem or clap and say thank you just for being there. After dinner, you will be asked to sing a song of praise. Come to find out, most of our songs are worship (different from praise)- they’re too slow and don’t have enough clapping.
•             Pastor Tom will say, “Take us to heaven!” and you know what? Praying before meals, travel, teaching, and, well, anything, really does bring a bit of heaven to earth.
•             Be careful upon entering your mud hut… you may just walk in on some shady business… between the chickens! When 3 hens and a cock (ie. rooster) are caught up in your mosquito net, you need to be on the lookout for some recently laid eggs.