There are no other questions that make me want to crawl into a hole and never come out again or puts a crippling fear in me to answer other than this one question and that is… “What are you good at?” or in other words “What are some of your talents?”. I have always despised these questions because I could never come up with anything that I was good at. When I was younger I was good at copying other peoples talents and just doing what they were doing, but when I got older and realized that I wasn’t good at that, it left me feeling very useless.
Coming on the race I thought everything would change for me. I thought I would automatically become a better Christian, a better person all around, and be this super talented person who just rocks at life! Man was I wrong. There are more insecurities I feel now that I didn’t even know existed until I came on the race. I met all these amazing people who look like they have their whole life together, they are all such good people, really good at photography and videoing, and they can sing and play instruments so well, pretty much just a whole group of talented people. I kept focusing on their talents and abilities and seeing my lack of talents and abilities. This whole time I was getting down on myself for having nothing to offer to anyone and ultimately mad at God for not giving me a talent to share with people.
But there is something that I’ve been learning these last few weeks. We are all gifted differently and as I wish so much that I could get up and sing a song that sounds good, I’m learning to love who I am and not get down on myself for what I lack in. I’m learning to thank God for what he has given to me, most of which I don’t even deserve in the first place. I love to serve others, speak life into people, find value in others, have compassion on people, oh and I love to laugh a lot. I never considered these talents before, but when I get to use them to serve God, I see how it is a tool to get to know people better and ultimately share Christ with them. I might view myself as having no talents compared to people who have such obvious ones, but God’s showing me what I do have and how I can use my gifts to serve him and serve others. I am sad that I wasted 19 years of my life being unsatisfied with what I have and who God made me to be, but I am excited to begin using what God has gifted me with and see where he takes me from here. I am ready to live my life to the fullest it can be and enjoy every gift he’s given to me!
1 Peter 4:10-11 Each of you has received a gift to use to serve others. Be good servants of God’s various gifts of grace.
