Something that I’m learning about is freedom and what it actually looks like to walk in freedom.
My brain is very logical and good at compartmentalizing. Most things are fairly black and white. I picture two roads sprouting from where I’m standing. Black being sin + anything that makes me feel bad, white being righteousness + anything that makes me feel good.
But I’m realizing that life is not that simple.
The black path is easily defined. Everyone knows that stealing is bad and lying is typically frowned upon. The black path rejects what God speaks over us, black values our selfish desires of the flesh, black actively gives the devil a foothold.
There’s at least one more category, one more path, we’ll call it red. Red being the running away from sin + anything that makes me feel bad.
Red for me doesn’t look like a desire to do the right thing, it looks like a fear of the wrong thing. Red carries shame, red flees from pain, red lacks celebration and walks in condemnation. Red unwillingly and unintentionally gives the devil a foothold. Red wants no part of sin, sure, but more than that red fears that sin might have power.
Practically, this red path is difficult to spot. When I am walking down this path, I often act out of obligation and a desire to prove something. It looks like self-denial but not selflessness. It looks like fearing man, and valuing man’s opinion of me over the approval I already have from God. It looks like a Pharisee praying loudly in the temple, with no real desire to honor God. It looks like legalism and “I should” and a lack of grace. Nothing is worse than messing up, but nothing really is better than just getting by.
Red often looks like white to the naked eye. Reading the Bible in front of many people so that others will see that you’re not a bad Christian, is TECHNICALLY still reading your Bible. Praying beautiful fake prayers out loud, is TECHNICALLY still praying. Forcing yourself to go to ministry when you are too physically, emotionally, or spiritually exhausted to prove that you are a missionary enough, is TECHNICALLY still going to ministry.
But there’s a key difference between red and white.
That difference being fear.
Red prays aloud for fear of lack of approval from man.
White prays alone for freedom of relationship with God.
Red is timid, and fears the rejection of mankind.
White is bold, and rejects the ways of the world for the sake of the Kingdom.
Red fears what will happen when I mess up. Red feels shame because messing up is something to be avoided.
White walks in freedom and confidently stands up from a stumble. White knows mess ups are inevitable and are nothing to be ashamed of.
Red walks in fear of sin.
White walks in freedom from sin.
The white gives absolutely no foothold to the devil. White DOESN’T ACTUALLY FEEL GOOD ALL THE TIME. White means messing up is actually just an opportunity for God’s power to be made perfect in our weakness. White has freedom to speak truth, power to be patient, and the strength to love when it’s hard. White has no part of sin, but white also has no part of shame.
When I’m walking in the white, I see with God’s eyes.
When I’m walking in the white, I can so much more clearly define when I have stepped onto the black or have fled onto the red.
When I’m walking in the white, I have grace for myself and others, operating out of the grace that I have been given by my Father.
Thanks God that I have free will. Thanks God that no matter how far I walk, I can always pivot in a moment. Thanks God that the choices I make can match your will or stray from it, but ultimately you are sovereign and your will WILL be done.
