OFTEN I THINK ABOUT the night before I left Texas:
It was Tuesday night, January 5th. Josh and I huddled up next to each other on the couch with a blanket. Crying.
“I keep waiting for someone to jump out and say ‘Surprise! It was just a game, you don’t actually have to go on the Race!'” I said to him, voice quivering.
“Me too.” He replied.
I couldn’t believe the day had finally come: the day I would have to tell the one I loved goodbye and leave for 11 months on a journey across the world.
Josh pulled me closer and told me I wasn’t supposed to be ripped away from him like this for so long. You can only imagine the flood of emotions crashing over me like continuous tidal waves. But I couldn’t turn back now. Josh and I both knew that. I came too far and had specific instruction from The Lord that I must go.
A mission. A calling. A service. At that point in time it had become a chore I couldn’t say no to. Despite the horror of being separated for so long, we both knew I needed to go. Not just to fulfill a calling. It was far greater than that.
I needed to go because The Lord said so.
I needed to go because I have a passion for people.
I needed to go so my heart could be molded and worked on in ways it never has.
I needed to go so *Josh’s* heart could be molded and worked on in ways it never has.
I needed to go because The Lord is going to use my absence to draw my family and close friends near to Him.
I needed to go so I could be changed, made new, broken and made new again. So I would rely completely on The Lord, and so that my relationship with Josh and soon after, our marriage, will thrive in Christ in ways maybe it never could if I hadn’t left.
When I woke January Monday morning, January 11th in my dorm in Lajas de Yaroa at my host family’s home, I climbed up to the roof that overlooked a vast spread of forest and endless mountains. Here, at the top of this mountain we are dwelling on, God told me He wanted to put my heart at peace. He told me not to fear, but to entrust my future in His hands, for He knew best and would carry it with gentleness and love.
It wasn’t until day 3, laying in my hammock on the rooftop reading a great Ted Dekker book, that The Lord released me of my worry and replaced it with His peace. He has Josh and his future in His hands, and He has mine, too.
It’s not the promises Josh has made me of a life with him forever, or the incredible promise ring he had overnighted to Atlanta a day before I left the country (these things really help a lot, though!), but it was the still voice of The Lord telling me to learn from and trust in Him, that He would not fail me.
It’s definitely the worst feeling in the world when you’re thousands of miles from the man you’re in love with and you can’t even so much as hold his hand. But the best feeling is knowing who you’re coming home to, and that you can dismiss Satan’s lies as they’re being said because your future is in the hands of the the Good Father.
Trust is something I’m so grateful The Lord is teaching me. I can’t wait to share it with the rest of the world. I am in no way perfect, but He is perfect for me.
Thank goodness for that.
Love,
Maddie<3
P.S. Did I mention how completely and utterly supportive of the Race my boyfriend is, and that he’s the most incredible man I’ve probably ever met? And that he loves The Lord with all of his heart and is happy I get to experience Christ in a new way? Please keep us in your prayers, and pray we grow close with The Lord and Holy Spirit during this year. Thank you<3
P.P.S. Did I also mention that Lajas de Yaroa, DR is one of the most beautiful places on Earth, and I’m freaking living on the top of a mountain, one of my favorite things ever?? And did I MENTION that our host, Kristen, is a woman after God and the most joyful person I’ve ever met? More on Kristen and our ministry in my next post. <3 <3 <3
If you would like to support me on the Race, scroll up and click on the “Support Me!” button next to my fundraising bar, and make sure my name is filled in already under “Racer.” This helps me be able to stay on the field in ministry. I still have to meet my deadline goal of around $17,000 by May, 2016. Thank you so much for reading.
