THE SECOND DAY of debrief in Jaco, Costa Rica quickly came to an end as I walked with my teammates down to the beach for 6 o’clock worship. Partially all I could think about was not being able to sit down in case my back started hurting because the sand was ever so fine and would find its way into my every nook and cranny if I so much as thought about sitting. But whatever.
My squadmates and I trickled onto the beach in groups of two and three; we chatted and commented on the beautiful sunset. Some went down to the water and let the sea foam wash up to their calves. Eee..water equals more sand on me. But I marveled at how they didn’t seem to care about this.
I love the beach. Absolutely love it. I love it when I know that I’m in a bathing suit, have somewhere to sit and I’m able to go back and shower within an hour of getting out of the water. Unfortunately, I was in a sundress, wasn’t excited about dust-like sand getting on me and then having to wait two and a half hours before being able to use the one shower on the church campus. There was a Spanish-speaking service going on that evening and we couldn’t be back until 10pm. It was only 6.
Our squadleaders gathered us around and began worship with prayer as the the last bit of sun melted into the sea. It was lovely. I closed my eyes and began to worship with my squad, letting thoughts of sand particles fade from my mind.
For me, a lot of times worshipping looks like swaying back and forth, moving around, all that good stuff. I normally end up facing a different direction by the end and I’m like “how’d I get over here?” Ha. I opened my eyes at the end of the first song and was immediately in awe: everyone, including myself, was facing the ocean. Some of us were still in the same general vicinity where we could hear the guitar being played, but some were further out, and some even in the ocean. I watched my sqaudmates; my friends as they worshipped so open-heartedly to their God. Dancing, making art on the sand, on their knees, swaying, singing, lifting their arms, walking out to the ocean; it was marvelous. And there I was, getting to be a spectator of it all. How interesting and peculiar it was that everyone was so drawn to the water.
As the worship continued, I watched the sky turn from gray to black in a matter of minutes. The stars were suddenly evident in the Costa Rican sky as the city behind us grew dim with the absence of the sun. I turned my head to the right and stared at the space between where the haze of the yellow hotel lights on the beach ended and the gray mist of the Pacific began. I followed it to where I was staring straight ahead into the void directly above the waves. I don’t think I had ever seen something so dark and black. Absolute void; darker than the darkest night. Not even the sky was that dark. As my eyes slowly drifted up, the void got lighter to where it became a dark navy blue and the space was riddled with stars. Not near as intriguing.
I refocused on the void above the ocean and between the sky; it seemed to stretch eternally from left to right, and who knows how far back it went. Where did it end? All I could think of for some reason was the ending of the movie The Truman Show. SPOILER ALERT for those who haven’t seen the movie: You know that part where Truman faces his fears and sails out into the great unknown that was the ocean? And after what seems like a few hours his boat hits a wall that’s basically painted to look like an endless ocean and sky? He climbs out of his boat, discovers a set of stairs leading to a door (also camouflaged), and discovers behind this door that his life wasn’t what he thought it was in the slightest?
Okay.
So for whatever reason I thought of that; beyond the ocean, what if there’s a wall, with a door, and what if behind the door was God? Was He across this great expanse of water? Yes, of course God is all around us. But was He also across the water? And what would He say to me if I sailed to the end of the ocean and walked through that door? Would He be pleased to see me? Would He say “SHH!” and tell me not to tell His secret to anyone else and send me back across the sea to live a life of secrecy? What WAS beyond this vast space? I allowed my mind to think that God lived beyond this long, dark space. Its darkness wasn’t evil; it was mystifying. It was marvelous and wonderful. Across the ocean maybe there was a black wall with a black staircase leading to a black door I could open; maybe it was 8 in the morning instead of 8 at night and everyone was having a party and they were happy to see me. Hm. That’d be nice.
I pulled my thoughts out of the void and put them into our galaxy above my head; look at it, all those stars hanging in space just wanting to be discovered and looked upon. In Houston you can’t see stars; the city is too distracted by lights here on earth instead of up in space.
Thanks God, for bringing me to a Central American beach, to let me worship You and ponder what in this world could be going on?
I don’t know the answer. But it’s nice to ask God and wonder, isn’t it?
xoxo
Maddie
