I’m going to start from the beginning. A couple of months ago I got an email from my mobilizer telling me that I was being moved from the route I was on (2, or W squad) to a new route (4, or Y Squad). When I got this news I was devastated, I had been so sure that God was leading me to Route 2 for a specific reason. After I got the news, I spent the next half hour being mad at myself for taking so long to turn in my application. “If I wouldn’t have spent 4 months trying to send in my application then I would have been accepted to route 2. I wouldn’t have been on the waitlist. I would be where I’m supposed to be.”
It turns out that God was planning something very special for me when he put me on a Squad with 19 other people instead of 50+. When everyone got to camp, I met 19 other smiling faces, 19 people who hugged me hello instead of awkwardly saying hi, 19 people who made me feel like I was immediately a part of a family instead of a group of unfamiliar people, 19 people who made me feel like I was seen and heard, instead of someone being lost in a crowd. Here is a picture of my rad squad!
These past 11 days of training camp have been nothing short of hard. The word “hard” is always seen as something negative, if something is hard it means we are too weak to overcome, not good enough to endure, but my dear friend Amelia changed my whole perspective of that word this last spring; she told me that hard does not equate to bad, and you have no idea how right she is.
The adjective “hard” is defined as follows:
1. Solid, firm, and resistant to pressure; not easily broken, bent, or pierced.
2. Requiring a great deal of endurance or effort.
This definition of hard didn’t say “If something was hard for you then you were doing it wrong, you weren’t good enough, you’re not enough.” I learned even more this week that when things are hard, that means I am being refined. I learned what redemption looks like, for other people, and for myself. I learned about servant leadership, abandonment, about forgiveness, about truly being God’s beloved, about saying yes to God and the people around me, and meaning it even when it hurts.
These past 11 days, all of us at training camp have been stretched more than I anticipated. We were pushed out of our comfort zones and into places of overwhelming vulnerability with our leaders, mentor, coaches, each other; with ourselves, and with our Lord. It’s hard to grow your faith inside of your comfort zone, this past week and a half our Lord helped us to learn that and embrace going further.
Abba showed me little by little every day that he has been patiently waiting for me to give me whole heart over to him. He showed me grace and gentleness and love. He showed me that I am worthy, that even the darkest places of my heart that I don’t believe deserve love, actually do. He showed me that He’s in the waiting, that he always has been, and that no matter how long it takes, or how many times my walk with him will look like 2 steps forward 1 step back, he will always be in the waiting for me and my heart.
I am beyond excited for launch in August. I will be traveling to Colombia with the 19 other people in Y Squad. Once there we will break off into our three teams and begin the work of God with our in country hosts. My team is Always Before Me, a group of 6 of us girls; Carly, Kat, Nichol, Leah, Lina, and myself. I get the incredible honor and privilege of being their team leader as we start this amazing new journey, but let’s me honest, they’re going to lead me much more than I’ll lead them.
Our next deadline of $10,000 is due July 21st, If you feel led to partner up with me and donate, click the ‘donate’ button above! Thank you so much for helping me get to where I am, I wouldn’t be here, learning about the sweet redeeming and patient love of God without all of you who have made this possible.
Much Love,
Mack
