It’s crazy to think that’s how it started.
It’s crazy to think that somehow, God used an Instagram ad to turn a “perfect” Christian girl who kept the Lord in a neat little box into a girl whose faith allowed her to see God breakthrough all the limitations she had put on Him.
To turn a girl who felt like she had to start every prayer with a formal, “Dear Heavenly Father,” to a girl who prays “Hey God,” like she’s talking to a friend.
To turn a girl who put on a fake smile during worship to please others into a girl who cries and dances during worship like it’s only her and Him in the room.
To turn a girl who answered to whatever name the world called her to a girl who only answers to the Father, who calls her by her name: “My daughter, Mackenzie.”
Let me explain.
Two years ago, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do after high school. I knew that I wanted to get out of the classroom for a year and be able to travel and serve others, but I didn’t know much else. I was looking at a gap year program with an organization I had worked with before, but I kept feeling like it wasn’t meant for me. That’s when I stumbled across World Race’s Instagram through a suggested account.
I knew almost immediately that I was supposed to do this. I stalked the Instagram account. I stalked Instagram accounts of people on the Race. I checked out the website. I took the “Is Gap Year meant for you?” quiz. I told my parents. I applied. I got accepted. I raised money. I went to REI for the first time in my life and bought a tent and a sleeping bag and a bunch of other stuff. Then, nine months ago, I left home for the Race with absolutely no idea how God was going to change my life.
The girl who left home nine months ago had correlated a relationship with the Lord with routine. The more consistent your routine was, the better the Christian you were. Go to church on Sundays, youth group on Sunday nights. Brownie points for speaking up during devotions. Stand up during worship, take notes during the sermon. Read your Bible every day, pray before you go to bed. And because of this, she started carrying around shame for all the ways she failed to meet any of those expectations. None of it ever felt good enough. She started every prayer with an apology: I’m sorry I’m not a good enough Christian, not a good enough daughter, not a good enough friend.
She had put God in a box. He was a distant authority figure who wanted to make sure she was following the rules and checking all the boxes but didn’t care about the small things, like how much it hurt that prom dress shopping made her cry or how lonely she was at her new high school. He wasn’t personal. And He definitely wasn’t a God who spoke back.
You could probably imagine my shock the first time the Lord spoke to me on my Race. Tears were streaming down my face before I had a chance to stop them. That was just the beginning. My mentor told me that I didn’t need to go to the Lord with an agenda, that I could go and just be in His presence, and that He wants me in His presence, no matter how much of a mess I feel like I am. I still have that note stuck in the front page of my bible. And when He gave my team leader a word to give me about something I was struggling with that she knew nothing about, He did it to show me how much He cared about me and the things I was walking through. Since day one, God has used this experience to break down every misconception I had about Him and His character.
Want to know what He told me that first day? It was during worship, and our worship leader was talking about the Israelites, and how even after God delivered them out of Egypt, they still doubted Him. They still acted like slaves.
“I delivered you out of Egypt,” He told me, “Now I’m taking the Egypt out of you.”
That has been my journey for the past nine months, God “taking the Egypt” out of me. I think it’s pretty normal for people who grow up in the church to get so caught up in rules and expectations to forget what a personal relationship with the Lord looks like, to forget why we started following the Lord in the first place. We get so used to Him that we don’t take the time to step back and see how big and beautiful and powerful He is. But now, God is anything but distant. He is close and personal. He is a father and a friend. And He will never stop showing me how much He loves me, no matter how many times I mess up.
Knowing that has completely changed my life.
And to think it all started with that Instagram ad.
