Since being in North Africa I have been fearful of writing because of being in a closed country. So I have lots of stories but I have been living in that fear. But today I stand up against it and I’m writing you all with massive news to be revealed.
Let’s start with the beginning. I landed in North Africa in Mid September and I have been here for about a month and will be here for about 10 more days. I have partnered with locals and been involved with a church since being here.
I visited home for my brothers wedding this past week. It was so amazing and fruitful and so sweet. Congratulations Zach and Kelsey may the Lord bless you and your marriage.
I have been challenged throughout the whole race and I have struggled. And boy is the struggle not over. I am stepping out and so here I am to writing about my struggles.
So folks. Here. It. Is.
I have wanted to go home many many many many many times since this race started. I’m not the only one either. The challenges of being forced into community and living off of $5 a day for food. They get to you quickly. I have struggled with learning to be vulnerable, speaking my desires, hunger, hanger (hungry anger), jealousy, and many other things.
The temptation to be doing what I am “supposed” to be doing, according to the western worlds standards is real. I have had a lot of negative feedback towards my race about not starting nursing right away. Those thoughts fester in my mind and then have made me believe the lie that I am not doing what I am supposed to, or that I am falling behind, or that I am not successful. But those are lies. Lies I wake up to everyday and have to choose not to believe. I have to believe that God has put me here for right now and that no mistake has been made. He’s a perfect God, in past present and future so I don’t know why I stress.
I deal with other lies as well; lies that I’m not being loved, or that I don’t belong or that I am not heard. Those are the usual lies that I see come up multiple times a day.
Lies are destructive. Let me say it one more time. The lies you choose to believe are destroying you. You get a choice: to believe them or to believe the truth. What lies do you battle? What is the truth in them? What’s the Bible say about them?
I challenge you to ponder those questions. Go head to head with the enemy. Don’t be afraid to stand firm and put on your armor (Eph. 6). The Lord’s given it to you for battle. And in today’s day in age, we are in a constant spiritual battle that won’t end until the Lord comes back.
I choose not to sit in my struggles for a long time because it’s depressing. Nothings wrong with me for doing that. The Lord has gifted me with the ability to act out of the fruit of Joy. I am not going to ashamed that. Life on this earth is just a blip on the timeline of eternity, why then, do we focus so much on our struggles and whether or not we are “succeeding,” when we get the opportunity to go to heaven and to do life with such a good good God. Just going to be honest for a second, if you can’t surrender control of your life and of your money or anything like that, you are basically saying you are bigger and better than God. Oof. Reality check.
I am not perfect at this, and these words are also an eye opener to me. But I am quick to speak truth over myself. I know my identity, I know my value. My life won’t revolve around my struggles. I choose to believe Romans 8:28.
Remember stand firm, don’t be afraid to sit in your weeds, and you are not alone. I’m learning along side you.
~Kenzie
PS. I am no longer going to Djibouti 🙁 but that just means I get more time in India!! God is still good!!
