Sitting here with only a couple days left in Swaziland before we head off to a new place (side note, we’re currently on our way to Jeffery’s Bay, this is a couple days late), I’ve been wondering, what does God want me to leave behind and take with me from this place?
Now you might be wondering, what the heck do you mean “take something”? Sounds kind of weird right? It’s actually pretty cool. Our leader Andrew was telling me about how during the World Race (11 countries in 11 months), he would ask God what he wanted him to leave behind and what he wanted him to take with him, usually consisting of lessons or thoughts or habits that are symbolized by an object (if you choose to). Then he constantly had a reminder of what God taught him during that time period. So I thought “sick, I’m doing that too”. Immediately after that conversation, I went and asked God what he wanted me to leave.
Flash forward to today. I had the opportunity to give a sermon (that I was supposed to give a couple weeks ago) about this little old thing that I struggle with called comparison. I’ve known for a week or two that that’s what God wants me to leave behind, but today I realized for sure.
The more that I talked about how I’ve grown up constantly comparing myself to others, the more I realized how prevalent it is in my life and how toxic it is. That feeling of not being as smart as someone else, as pretty as someone else, as talkative as someone else, as skinny as someone else, even as “Christian” as someone else is so prominent in my life and I’m over it. So I’m ready to leave it behind me.
I began thinking of the question, what can I leave as a symbol of this big step? And it’s funny because in my heart, I had been planning it since the first couple days here.
So on this trip, I brought 4 pairs of shoes (#extra). One of them being my pair of white converse (#basic), which are now no longer white because dirt storms are real here in Swazi. I’ve had them for a couple years and they are definitely well-worn. But ever since the first couple days, I knew I was going to leave them here in Africa. I don’t know why, I just knew that I had to. Today I realized that I’m leaving them behind as my symbol of leaving comparison behind. I’ve walked in comparison for so long now that I didn’t even recognize it as being a problem. But I don’t want to walk in it anymore. God didn’t create me to be like everyone else, he created me as his handiwork, his work of art, unique and beautiful in my own way. I want to walk in that knowledge
So maybe now you’re wondering, “well what are you taking away?”.
After I finished my talk this morning, Andrew asked me that same question. And without even thinking, I told him and my peers the big word that I am learning to adopt into my life every single day.
Contentment.
To me, that is the opposite of comparison. That is what I’m going to use to battle comparison. Because as much as I wish I could say the words and it’s gone, that’s not how it works. Everyday will be about making a conscious choice to be content. But if Paul can learn to be content in any circumstance, then so can I. And to remind myself of that, I’m bringing home a rock. I was reminded in Matthew about the builder that builds his house upon the rock, that he could withstand the rivers and winds and storms because his foundation was on the rock. If my foundation is on Christ, then I can weather the storms. When feelings and thoughts of comparison come, I can trust that what God says of me is truth. And in that, I can be content.
