I have had a Telugu song humming in my heart for the entire month of July. The meaning is “with you is my whole life, Jesus”. These words sink deep in my soul and are the heaviest thing I’m taking away from India. No, I don’t believe I fully understand the weight of what it means to truly follow the Lord where He calls.. but as I understand more of the Lord’s heart for His people I realize that He does not call me to a life filled with self. He warns against excess, against selfish living, against harboring money, against comfort. To be a follower of Jesus certainly isn’t the most popular thing or even really the most acceptable thing to most of the world. However, God has revealed such beauty to me through a relationship with Him. How can I not share the love that He has lavished upon my life? This is the life I have been called to. Yes, this lifestyle will require sacrifice. It will require an abandoning of myself and accepting a path that may be be more difficult than the one I would have chosen for myself. However, the life I have found in the One in whom all true freedom dwells is well worth it.
Goodbyes in India were more difficult than I imagined they would be. The beautiful souls of Covenant Worship became family. They are a huge part of this remarkable journey and they have absolutely left their mark. They showed me genuine devotion and passion for the Lord every single day. They taught me about worship, about prayer, about reaching out, and about love. I will miss their wonderful hearts. After we said goodbye, I stood outside the bus, embarrassed of my inability to control my crying and of how broken my heart was to leave. I was then comforted with the words – “don’t be ashamed of your tears, they just show that you love people well.” That was so precious to me. It made me feel proud… proud that God formed that depth of love in me. I truly desire to love people well. I don’t always know how, but I am learning.
I miss India already. I will never forget the colors of the city, the beauty of the people, the sweet smell of incense in the air, the women in the slums kneeling and wailing together in prayer, the spice of the delicious food, the kindness of strangers, the chaos of auto rides, the precious grandmother in the slum, having to leave someones home in the midst of a bible study because security guards were questioning us, Hindus who was curious about Jesus but afraid of their family’s rejection, hearing people’s stories, the sweetness of chai, the burning trash, the red marked foreheads, eating with my hands, mango lassi, dancing, understanding the head bob, the disabled orphans and their laughter, the intense humidity and constant dripping of sweat, the call to prayer, the fearlessness of walking into streets filled with speeding vehicles, sharing my story for the first time at a slum, prayer walks, tears of frustration and breakthrough, being invited to Eid al-Fitr after Ramadan by some Muslims and enjoying time spent with them in their home.
There is SO much more but how could I ever truly tell you all that’s happened in a single little blog? I can’t wait to truly share my stories with you one day.
I am now in Nepal. Expect another blog soon.
Much love to you and thank you for your prayers, my family.
