My time in Colombia has come to end along with my squad’s first leg of the race. I am in Eastern Europe now and can’t believe how fast time has gone. I marvel at all God taught me in South America and rejoice in the work He did last month in Colombia.
Cartagena, Colombia is a vibrant city filled with culture, history, and joy. It is unlike most of Colombia with the rich influence of African Caribbean brought over decades ago by the Spanish. The music plays loud, the food is great, and the people are lively.
My team and I stayed in an area called, San Francisco, where drug and gun violence is common. We lived at a foundation with our ministry hosts playing with kids daily; we also helped teach the kids English. Being surrounded by the neighborhood kids and our host family we quickly became like family.
It was marvelous and I was in love with our circumstances, but emotionally and spiritually God was doing a work in me I did not understand.
I had been sitting frustrated with God hearing only the whisper of, “Let Go.” The words echoed all around me for days and I was so unclear of what I needed to let go of. I would ask God for clarification and all I would hear back was, “Let Go.”
Then, two teammates and I fell through a roof after retrieving the keys for our home and it was terrifying.
As we fell I just remember praying desperately we wouldn’t die (I know it sounds dramatic, but that was all I could get out as we fell).
We fell around 15 feet and landed between a car and a stack of bricks with rebar all around us; thankfully, all of us were okay with only minor injuries in need of stitches and some oasis wrap. Yet, the fall itself catalyzed an undoing in me, which ultimately lead to a spiritual falling through as well.
The Lord was taking me out of hiding.
I had built a tower to hide all my messiness in, because that is what I thought the world wanted. I also built a tower to protect myself and see what was coming in the distance. I sat in my tower alone believing the lies that:
- My messiness was too dirty and complicated
- No one wanted anything to do with emotional MacKenzie
- My hurts, problems, and emotions didn’t matter
- My messiness, deemed me unlovable
- I needed to protect myself or suffer the consequences
However, the tower I built was feeble, the roof wasn’t stable, and the life was lonely. I had built an unstable structure with weak materials to hide. No one could really access my tower; they just shouted from below as they walked by. I secluded myself in thinking it was best and lived out of my own sight and understanding. But, after years the weight of all those lies and the tiredness of my soul couldn’t keep up with the maintenance of the tower any longer, and I fell through it.
I fell straight to the ground. I hurt myself on the way down and obtained injuries. The injures were going to take time to heal and there was no way of climbing back up into the tower. I was stuck on the ground, but something hinted it would be so much more refreshing on stable land as I breathed in the clean air.
It was open and filled with light. I interacted with people heart to heart and could wholly receive their gifts of love and kindness. However, my heart rebelled sometime and the lies came creeping back in; it took time to accept and believe the truths about this new place. Then, I discovered it to be the place God always intended me to live with Him. The place He made for me that was safe and with Him.
I fell through a roof with people and am now learning to walk again on stable ground with people. I am learning my messiness is nothing to hide and I am receiving more and more love from God and people daily. God called me out of hiding, to be able to receive His love and care, to accept His help and truth, and to learn His ways and grown.
Now, I run, play, and sleep in open spaces. I have no desire to climb back into my tower thirsting for love and attention again. I just want to explore and bound fearlessly with others and my God.
God rescued me from my tower to give me more of life. He used me literally falling through a roof to teach me figuratively about where my heart was.
I was a trapped princess bound by others remarks and decisions… but now I am a Queen living with my King in His kingdom.
#Queenliving
Allow the undoing and the falling through and your heart will be changed into a life of wonder and freedom.
