Today marks the first week of my Race and my time in Lima, Peru! Since arriving, we have spent everyday in a nearby city called Ventanilla working with a local church. We travel by bus weaving in and out of traffic, sweating profusely, and cramming into seats not made for anyone over five feet. The commute each day is about an hour and filled with many unique smells and people. The city of Ventanilla itself is filled with life, color, and culture, while the people are loving and generous.
We have been working with four young women who are around my age and are apart of YWAM, Youth with a Mission. They take on the church’s youth ministries and help out with worship and women ministry. They are all wonderful and embody so much selflessness, kindness, strengthen, and joy. Their generosity is remarkable, and their tender love for Christ is beautiful. They also tend to be pretty funny and we find ourselves laughing a lot despite the language barrier.
I bonded with one of the girls, Rosy, immediately. She is 23 years old and has one of the sweetest hearts I have ever met. It all began while I caught her eyes during a spontaneous worship session after lunch.
We sang songs together, the girls in Spanish and our teams in English. While singing Phil Wickham’s, Amazing Grace, my eyes caught Rosy’s with tears and I saw her.
I saw not just her face but her heart, and I immediately was touched by the love of the Father. He whispered to me, “A new sister who you will have in eternity.” The words hit me as if water was poured over my head and took all my breath…I began to cry and realized how beautiful it is to give someone your love and heart through simple eye contact.
Last year was the first time in my life I realized I never really looked directly into people’s eyes. It wasn’t until a friend called me out on it that I discovered I did so. Then, I guess the Lord really wanted me to work on it because He continued to bring it up everywhere I went. At training camp for the World Race many of the leaders even emphasize eye contact and encouraged us to practice it. I left camp intentionally trying to work on looking at people in their eyes when communicating or listening to them, and to be honest, giving someone my eye contact is really hard for me.
I find it scary to look at someone so intently and vulnerably. It’s dangerous. I am giving access to my heart and mind. I’m not just giving them my attention, I am stepping out to engage wholeheartedly with another being. It can be risky and it requires trust, which I lack in my brokenness.
As a child, I was wounded. People took and mistreated my trust, so at an early age I decided to stop offering my heart. It seemed people didn’t love me for who I was, so I just did what they asked and tried to stay out of the spot light. I relied only on myself and became a thick fortress filled with hurt and pain.
Finally, Jesus showed up in my life and He changed everything. He told me I was loved, and my thick fortress began to crumble; yet like most things…the rebuilding has taken a lot longer than the tearing down.
I am still rebuilding.
Week 1 in Peru showed I don’t always trust God enough to trust His people; I fear getting hurt and eye contact is challenging for me. I have to make looking people in the eyes a daily discipline. And yet, the Father still blessed me because of it through a new friend, Rosy. Through His grace He displayed to me how sweet it can be to see people and let them see you.
This year I truly don’t want to miss seeing people by being afraid or selfish. I want to jump wholeheartedly into engaging with people. I want to see them and I want to see where the Father’s heart is.
He is making me new and I am thankful for His patient teaching. For, what a waste this year would be if I sat in the rumble of what Jesus’ love destroyed.
How deep the Father’s love for me
How vast beyond all measure
That he should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
Rosy & I
