9:16 AM
September 21st, 2019
Hey everyone! Long time no see! Today is a beautiful Sabbath day, which means a little bit of lounging around. A few of us will go into town soon. Tonight we have church, instead of in the morning tomorrow.
Lately, I’ve been asking Jesus lots of questions. And from these, sometimes I revive bountiful fruit (fancy talk for helpful answers) or I get nothing. And I ask and ask, God, why? Why this? Why that? And during this time, I get one common theme. Is that, sometimes His silence is an answer. And in the times where it feels like He is saying nothing, He is trying to teach me a lesson.
I am a firm believer in God’s sense of humor. I would say nine times out of ten, I am led to silence yet again, with more questions than ever before. And I feel God telling me I already know the answer. I feel like sometimes, if not the majority of the time, I ask a question I know the answer to. Usually I’m looking for a different one. An answer that better suits my agenda. But I know in my heart that God is trying to tell me that His plan needs better from me.
Something that not many people share with you before long mission trips is that there will be days where you feel like you’re not doing anything. Like you are fairly useless in the whole operation. The enemy places thoughts in your head that you aren’t doing hardly enough. That you’re inadequate and by doing minuscule chores like laundry or raking or mopping, you’re helping no one.
I was seriously impacted by this every day. Feeling completely useless in my works, telling myself they weren’t good enough and I was doing nothing for the kingdom. I expressed this to my team during ~Feedback Time~ (very official). Each of them had the same thing to tell me. Yes, they had felt this. They had thought my thoughts and this wasn’t unique to me. However, each act is worthy by the condition of your heart.
Something I tell tons of people, especially back home, is that most of the time you plant the seed and don’t get to see the flower bloom. And now, it was time to practice what I preached. I got told that it wasn’t about necessarily the chores and such we were doing, but the roles we played. And how, now, the children living in this orphanage could look around and see people who came very far from home in the name of Jesus to serve in whatever way they could.
Now, I realize that God, in His silence, isn’t shunning me. He isn’t forcing tasks on me that I don’t deem ridiculously helpful just because that’s what the orphanage needs. He’s saying, “Go, child. Do. And do it for me.”
Thats all for now!!
See you soon,
Mack.
