I’ve been traveling for eight months now; three different continents and eight vastly different countries and counting. Signing up for this Race, the varied locations I was to visit was one of the things I was most excited about, apart from serving. I was also looking forward to how God was going to change my heart and I thought I would be happy about making those changes.
I knew that this journey would be hard and that I was certain to face difficulties, but I was looking forward to it. I didn’t imagine that I would truly be discouraged by anything because no pain, no gain, right? I knew this was where God wanted me to be and honestly I thought He would bless me for my obeying His calling. (And I mean bless me like making this year full of rainbows and butterflies.)
But…
This journey has not at all been what I expected. I haven’t been happy with the things God is asking me to change and some of the circumstances I’ve been placed in have made for more than just a few miserable days on the race.
I’m not as patient or as loving as I thought I was and it turns out I have a minor problem with authority (don’t worry, Ma, I promise I’m working on it). I’ve experienced some persecution (which I am happy to face for the sake of my faith) but was nonetheless discouraged, especially by the place from which it came. Last month a team member was unexpectedly sent home and though I have peace that she is where the Lord wants her to be, I can’t say the change did anything good for my team and I. Furthermore, one of my closest friends in the entire world has been seriously ill more than once in the past two months and is currently in the hospital in Nairobi fighting off the remnants of malaria, typhoid, E. coli, AND rota virus… so I’m just like, “Lord, where are my rainbows and butterflies?”
I’ve had a hard time understanding how I can be doing the will of God and still be facing the challenges that I am?
I actually started pondering this in India (month four) and even started writing this blog in Rwanda (month six). I’m a slow processor anyways but the Lord really wanted me to sit on this question, especially since He knew my season of tribulation was not ending anytime soon. So that’s what I’ve been doing these past four months: seeking Him and rolling with the punches life has thrown me.
And let me tell ya, the Lord rewards faithfulness! My reward hasn’t been anything tangible or even a happiness amongst my tribulation; it’s been a wisdom that has spurred a new contentment within me. It is possible to be completely in the will of God yet also in a season of great problems. Moses is a prime example of this.
How can I be expected to grow or even be prepared for for what’s to come if He only gives me the rainbows and butterflies that I want? Praise God for His infinite wisdom and that He gives me what I need! Growth almost always hurts but I am [learning to be] content and even finding joy in spite of the pain because my trust is in Him.
Maci
