One year.
It is absolutely ridiculous what the Lord has done. I know that one of the first blogs I wrote was “How I Was Called to the Mission Field,” but I’ve just been so amazed at God’s work in my life that I think the events of the past year deserve another post.
A little over a year ago, on Christmas Eve of 2011, I sat in my room, weeping and wondering what I was supposed to make of life. I was told that she gave up on me, that I should figure out my own life now and do whatever I wanted, as long as I didn’t come back home or ask for help. Did she really mean it this time, or was it another threat? Something in my gut told me she meant it for real this time.
Okay, but what now? After pitying myself for a bit, grieving what seemed like the most miserable and lonely Christmas ever, I cried out to God. I seriously had no clue what to do next. I was oddly relieved by this unofficial disownment because it was somehow an act of mercy by God. It finally released me of a pressure that had been built up for at least 8 years. Now that she’d given up, I could be undistracted in both seeking and following the Lord’s will. I could take my attention off of being pre-med, of performing and never measuring up, of worrying and fearing. So I asked, frustrated but probably more open than ever:
What do You want me to do? I’m not in control. I give up being pre-med. I give up. I get that it’s not Your plan for me, at least not now. But WHAT NOW?
And He didn’t answer me right then and there. He began giving me peace amidst uncertainty, though. That peace which overrides my circumstances has been a theme in my life; I’ve learned through all my struggles that God gives me peace more often than He gives me an answer I’m looking for. In fact, peace is one of His promises from the Word that I cling to:
A few days later, while I was still wrestling with everything, the Passion 2012 Conference began. I’d never gone to or seen Passion, so I was curious and watched parts of the livestream. Little did I know that my heart was about to be stirred and my life was about to be transformed.
I heard the stories of human trafficking, of modern day slavery. How could I have been so ignorant and passive? How did I not know how prevalent this was? But more importantly, how could I go on ignoring it? I felt a sudden urge to go and do something. But how? I didn’t feel called to donate money or indirectly support the cause, though I knew there was a place for that. I just wanted to leave where I was. I wanted to build relationships with these people- the trafficked children and adults, the oppressed, the poverty-stricken, the broken and hurting. I wanted to witness it and to be there, to take action somehow. But again… how?
So naturally, I did a google search that was inspired by the sentiments above. Honestly, I don’t even remember what I typed in. All I know is that it was the most influential google search of my life. Because on the first page, I saw a link to the World Race website. And as soon as I clicked and starting reading, I knew I had to do it. I didn’t want to be impulsive or selfishly desiring this amazing journey, but I had a feeling that maybe God had been preparing me for such a time as then.
