Isaiah 54:10
“For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but my lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and my covenant of peace will not be shaken.” Says the Lord who has compassion on you.
It’s my theory that people typically have two reactions when they walk into chaos. They will either shut down (feel they aren’t sure what to do) or they take charge. If you know me, then you know that taking charge is something that I enjoy. Normally, you would say this would be a great thing, “this girl has leadership on her life”. The only problem is that taking charge before your ready can end things really messy. There are countless stories I could sit and tell you about. I thought I knew best and so therefore, it was going to happen. Then if I wasn’t getting what I wanted I was manipulative to try and get what I wanted. All of which are not edifying to my God or anyone around me. I hurt a lot of people with my “take charge personality” because I was walking around without Jesus.
A lot of people in the past and sometimes now, like to use the words abrasive or intimidating when talking about me. I grew to hate those words as they felt so negative and were meant to be negative. I couldn’t understand why people couldn’t just understand. I just wanted to help. I just wanted to improve the things I saw around me. Why wouldn’t they listen to me? Why were they so offended by me trying to help them?
Well, no one had ever given me the tools to express my Passion in a way that others didn’t feel attacked or feel their ideas were less than. I only knew how to do things my way and had never learned how to really listen. Obviously if I wasn’t listening to the people around me I wasn’t taking the time to hear the Holy Spirit. Even if I had taken the time, I probably wouldn’t have heard anything because I was too busy knowing it all or trying to suggest what would be best.
Philippians 1:6
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
I’d like to tell you a story about a lady named Kathryn Mitchell. She is neither controlling nor passive. Carries the sweetness of God in her heart. She fights for the gold in people no matter the cost to herself. Kathryn makes people feel like they can conquer the world and do what they are called to. She is completely secure in who she is in Jesus. She loves and carries others deeply in her heart. How do I know this? I had the privilege of spending a year with her. I did a training school (Antioch Discipleship School) she was my D- group leader for close to a year. Which means she was the person who I lived through the hardest time of my life with. It was tasked to her that she help me look more like Jesus. See me healed of past wounds and walk into my calling that The Lord had for me.
The night before discipleship school started, I was a nervous wreck. I owed $500 (plus another $900 if I remember correctly at another deadline date) I walked into that classroom and I didn’t have the money. I was worried I wouldn’t get to do the school and feared being told I needed to leave, due to lack of funds.
I walked in not knowing a soul, I felt like a kindergartener on the first day of school with no friends. The second I walked in, Kathryn walked up to me and said “Lynzie?!!!!” To which I said ….(headnod, yes). I think she told me she was my D group leader at this point, but I was much too worried about finance to even hear anything she said. (Though I thought, she has the most beautiful white teeth! 🙂
Then about 2 minutes later a man named Pete walked up to me and the conversation went like this…
Pete:“Are you Lynzie Willett?” (I was sure I was about to be told I was going to have to leave)
Me: “Yes”
Pete: “Well I just wanted to let you know that you don’t owe $500, someone has anonymously paid your deadline for you.”
ME: (Bursts into tears) Who? (Of course he never told me)
Pete: “You don’t need to know. I think God is showing you how to trust in him and that he will provide for you.”
As I continued to weep for the next 2 hours (I am not being dramatic) I was completely undone. I knew it was not my parents or anyone that I knew closely. It had to be someone who really didn’t know me well or even at all. I could not stop crying at the kindness of whoever it was but mostly the sovereignty of God and how he loves us so well. He never misses it! NEVER!
Just to add to the financial miracles into that year. My last deadline was coming up and I had no way of paying it. One of my best friends and her husband said they wanted to pay off the rest of my school. Again, completely undone by the generosity of The Schumachers’ and God’s mercies in my life.
Just like that he was teaching me to fully rely on him…but I was not ready to surrender fully
So classes started and I had a D-group..woop (sarcasm) There were 4 of us, Kathryn (leader), Melissa, Rosemary and myself.
I was this kind of follower…
and 
These pictures do not describe the frustration, pain and emotional exhaustion I inflicted on Kathryn. Yet she never complained.
I imagine after she spent that first weekend with me her prayers were something like “Thank you, Lord. I am so thankful you gave me Lynzie, what a beautiful, wonderful, smart daughter you have made. She is going to do great things for your kingdom. Will you help me Lord figure out how to get past these walls she has put up. What can I do to change so that she will let me in?”
You see, Kathryn is fully surrendered to Jesus and she loved how he loved. It didn’t seem to matter how much I gave her push back, attitude or made it CLEAR as water that I didn’t like her. She was going to love me if it was the last thing she did.
For that, I AM THANKFUL.
I thought I would get to control things that year. I always have but I was no longer calling the shots. I just didn’t know it yet. It was no fault of hers that I didn’t like her but my own insecurities and control that made me push her away. She is one tough lady, for 5 months, I gave her the cold shoulder, eye roll, sighs under my breath and flat out defiance. Never once did she yell at me, sigh under her breath, give me attitude or any other negative response.
It started to amaze me that she wasn’t responding how I had been used to. She didn’t even get on to me when I didn’t finish my book readings because “I didn’t want to”. She would just remind me that “I signed up for this and I would get out of it what I put in it.” Or say something like “You can do it, I know those scriptures are long, but you can memorize them. I’ll help you.” It was truly the strangest situation to be in. I would give attitude, she would give grace. I kid you not, this went on for 5 months straight. (we did have fun sometimes but mostly I was a toot, I was bringing down my group)
The breaking point came at Christmas…we were at BJ’s Resturant and I had just about enough of this group and really not understanding why we needed it in the first place. So Kathyrn asked for some feedback on something and I unleashed 5 months of anger (and 5 years of pain that had nothing to do with her).
Then she responded…”(tears running down her face) I am not crying because you were honest, I am crying because this was suppose to be the best year and I’m not doing it right. How can I change to be better, I’m sorry?”
Right then and there was THE MOMENT, that broke me. It was like God just reached into my heart and told me this is what I am like. I respond to you like this when you mess up. I AM LOVING. I will not leave you, I am consistent in ALL my ways.
All of a sudden all I felt was love for her. She shouldn’t have had to go through anything to receive my love but she chose to(I am embarrassed to tell these stories but if it helps someone else, then to God be the glory). She chose to endure and then humble herself when I should have been humbling myself and giving grace where it was due. Through these interactions, she taught me who I belonged to. Jesus was teaching me his character through her. He was teaching me to surrender my control.
I am happy to report after that night we became great friends. The Lord had healed my heart and taught me how to really love others. I no longer cared about having control but enjoyed letting her lead. One of my favorite memories is when we laid in the church parking lot (alone) till 2 a.m. What a fun night. What a sweet friendship we have.
I am telling you this because this is how Jesus works. He brings us to our knees and most of the time its ugly and its painful.He is in the business of loving people in their mess and he made us to partner with him. He made us for relationship with him, and that overflows into our relationships with others. NONE of this can happen though until we learn to SURRENDER, who we want to be in our flesh.
I am beyond words for the ways Kathryn taught me how to give up the old me and allow him to make a new me, the real me. Someone that reflected Jesus and loves deeply with a purpose. Someone who is fully surrendered to his plan.
Trusting should be easy, right? It’s not always easy, it’s scary and intimidating not knowing how I’ll raise $16,962.
Who will give and what if no one does? I am reminded that full surrender means my finances are his. He is in control and I am not. He is unwavering the most wise, kind, loving father I could ever have.
I have already seen some HUGE financial miracles so far! I am so thankful for EVERYONE who is giving to me. I have been praying your finances would be poured back into your account in double.
His yoke is easy and I would much rather carry that around than the weight of trying to figure everything out. I have no idea where this money is going to come from but I am no longer worried about it. I am going to do all I can and allow him to do the rest. To God be the glory no matter the outcome.
Matthew 11:30 “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Prayer points:
- Pray for the ones he is preparing to join my support team.
- I would meet my deadline NEXT WEEK
- I would continue to surrender everything to him.
- I would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit as I am lead
- Praying unity with my squad (we meet next month)
