Training has been one of those experiences where you wish that you could explain everything but you just can’t. As I sit here I am still not sure how to write this but I’ll do my best.
I thought training would be a time of just sitting and listening to someone tell me the does and don’ts of being a missionary overseas. I thought I’d get to fly under the radar (which isn’t even like me) and make it back home unscathed and more knowledgeable.
I told you before that I had been feeling emotionless and I wasn’t sure why. I thought it was because I was just focusing on tasks and trying to get things done.
I was wrong.
As training came everyone was excited and nervous about meeting each other, except me. It has never been hard for me to make friends, I am one of those people who can talk to a wall. This was different though, it was like I had forgotten how to talk to people and honestly became lost in my own mind. I went from the gregarious, loud extrovert to the quiet, prideful, observer.
Something happened to me, I wasn’t sure myself what was going on at the time but I knew something wasn’t right.
I arrived at the airport and I was welcomed by at least 50 people. I sat in the airport over 5 hours where over 200 people had gathered to get transportation to training. I barley talked to anyone in the airport. I mostly just sat and listened and answered questions when I was asked. I kept trying to talk myself into being my normal everyday self. I just couldn’t, it didn’t matter how much I tried to be me, it wasn’t going to happen.
I went into this 10 days weary and wondering how in the world I would make it (emotionally).
I met a lot of awesome people and my squad is amazing.
They were so patient with me during this time. They gave me grace upon grace as we went through the days.
I felt left out because pride had blocked me from learning, feeling and being receptive to things that were going on around me. It took me 6 days and a great conversation with a leader that I was self-protecting. It has been something I have done my entire life. I didn’t even realize that I was doing it because it has become so much a part of me.
These past 10 days have shown me what life is like when we think we don’t need help. When we think we can do life alone and we have it under control. Reality check, we don’t have it under control. I am thankful for directness during this time as it helped me take down the walls that I had built up. I was finally able to feel joy and excitement and nervousness. If no one had taken the time to break down those walls I wouldn’t have opened up for my squad and my team. There is still a lot of room to grow in this area but the walls literally came down in a minute. Once I was aware of what was going on, it was easier to fight for who I really was in Christ.
I am a missionary that is completely broken and in need of my father’s love. It is so humbling that HE chooses to use me even though I am completely flawed. I am still working through brokenness in my life but that doesn’t stop him. I don’t want to be blinded by this wall of protection because that is NOT what God has for me. I can walk in complete abandonment with him.
So when I woke up today, I knew in my heart that I needed to leave in January. He told me this would be a hard, yet sweet, year. There are things that aren’t of him, inside of me. He wants to refine me in a way that only the “pressure cooker” can. My generation seems to be confused about pain. We avoid pain at all costs but Jesus calls us to live in the pain and to thrive in that place. Refining isn’t fun but it is worth it. It is worth every bit of feedback and dying of oneself.
THIS IS MY TEAM!
We will live and do ministry together for the 11 months. God will use each of us to help refine each other to look more like Jesus. They are the ones I will laugh with and cry with. We will carry each other’s burdens and learn to love selflessly.
So even though training was hard, it was also fun. Nights of sleeping with friends to keep warm, camping in the woods with no tents, eating with my fingers and A LOT of walking up and down rocky hills, I made it out alive.
Camping grounds for some of us.
Africa day!
Squad wars
12 hour airport layover…lol best night of sleep if you ask me!
Well I still have a deadline I need to make by 12-18-15. The last day to donate is 12-11-15 because of the time it takes for the money to clear the account.
I want to invite you to pray about joining my support team and being apart of this journey with me.
Prayer requests:
*My heart would continue to be prepared for my departure
*I would walk in freedom of self-protecting
*Pride would be stripped away
*unity among my team and deep intimacy with each other
*Joy and excitement for myself and my team
*finances would continue to pour in and that I am actually fully funded before I go. Which would be $16,962.
*That someone would drive my Jeep while I am gone
* That anyone who has given would receive a double portion back
*someone would offer to pay for my last flight to get me to GA this January for launch
I need to book my flight here in a month or so for when I leave. Once I am in GA I will be leaving with my squad to Peru, our first country. My ticket to Peru has already been purchased through Adventures in Missions.
If the money does NOT come in before 12-18 I will NOT BE LEAVING. I will have to defer to AUGUST and meet an entire new squad and get a new team. I am stepping out in faith that the money will come in.
Thanks for sticking through this journey with me. I love seeing how God has provided for this trip. Its really been an amazing miracle to see $7,000 raised in 2 months!!!! WOW!!!!
I am so thankful for each of you! Thank you for believing in me and my mission!!!
Over & Out,
Lynzie
