Toasted marshmallows, peppermint coffee and decorations.
The feeling of butterflies in my belly.
Nice brisk mornings and a red Starbucks cup to ensure a great start to the day.
I woke up today and all I felt was excitement and butterflies.
It finally happened, reality has finally hit.
It hasn’t always felt like that. I have really struggled over these past couple months. Mostly with my attitude. If I am honest it’s because I have had a hard time staying disciplined in my time with Jesus. I have struggled since this entire process has started. Feelings of distraction and laziness have set in.
This should be the time I am pressing into God but I haven’t wanted to. I have turned to myself at times for direction instead of the one who knows. The worst part, knowing I don’t know but not taking the time to sit and listen to his wisdom. At times I have rushed myself in different situations because I am more reliant on me than the Holy Spirit.
My heart felt dead as I relied more and more on myself. I have a love/hate relationship with this season of life. I am grateful though that it has brought me back to the basics. Spending time with Jesus each morning is fun. It’s so much fun! It’s also life giving. Discipline in my morning time with Jesus may always be something I have to work at but it will be worth it.
If I had just maintained the posture of a child, I would have never felt disconnected. I would have remained joyful in all situations. I am thankful though for the painful reminders of what life can be like when I have not drank from the living water. Walking with Jesus is like a race. You have to preserver even when you want to quit.
To leave it all on the table so that when you look back, you have no regrets. You know you did your best. I pray this is a year of perseverance over my entire squad and over myself.
So I’m packing my bag and leaving my home for a year. I am relinquishing all control.
These are the two things we hold near and dear to our hearts. We love our control and HATE giving it up. Especially people like me. We enjoy taking situations that are in chaos and bringing order to them. This year though, isn’t about what I can do. It’s about what Jesus can do. It’s about complete abandonment of myself and my wants.
Today, my heart sunk a little when I was walking through the house thinking, “I only have 5 weeks left in the states.”
My next thought was, I am really going to miss my family. The smells of my parents house and seeing my sweet sister and how goofy she is.
Isn’t it funny how the things that drive you bananas about your family are typically the things you miss the most. I think I’ll miss most that my dad texts me at least once a week telling me he loves me, even though he sees me in person.
My mom who is always trying to help me. She is so good at loving me and my sister. I will miss her eyes and her wisdom. Mostly, I’ll miss being with her. I’ll miss hearing my dad call me by my nickname. I’ll miss how goofy he is and how much he loves me.
I’ll miss being able to just pick up and go whenever I want. My sweet kiddos I interpret for and all my church community. I’ve been waiting for this season for quiet some time. It comes with many emotions. excitement and sadness come up often.
BUT
The fear of not leaving is much greater than staying. I am so GRATEFUL to be able to leave my comfort zone even though it will hurt.
Do you know, there are great people who never do great things because of fear! It doesn’t have to be moving across the world for a year. It could be fear of working out because they are scared what other people will say. Fear of getting a certain degree because of lies they have been told about their abilities. Fear of leaving the familiar for the unknown.
You see, we are all great but we have to decide to walk in it!
I challenge you today to do what you are afraid of. Step out of your comfort zone into the unknown. Take the steps of pain so that you can walk in freedom. You were made for greatness but often greatness comes at the cost of walking out of your bubble. It’s time to pop that bubble, my friends.
It’s time..
Prayer requests:
I would be disciplined in my times with Jesus
Perseverance to get through these last 3 weeks at work
That I would be fully funded at 16,962 before I leave January 8.
My parents would find peace in knowing that I am completely taken care of by father God.
That my blog would bring breakthrough and revelation to others.
Thanks friends for your giving hearts! I love you so much!!! I literally would not be writing this blog if it wasn’t for you. Your amazing! I can’t wait to share more!
Lynzie
