India Blog 1
I wrestle with fear. I know we all do but I think, personally, it’s one of the biggest strongholds in my life. I’ll say my first biggest fear I’ve been walking through for a while now is fear of loss. Interlaced inseparably with this is the fear of pain. I hate pain actually, I hate pain in all ways, no matter what ways it manifests. I try to avoid it all costs. God is a good heavenly father though and he doesn’t allow his children, to live in the “Valley of the Fearings.” As He see’s fit, the Lord is walking me though both of those fears and as I much as I hate it I know it's for my good.
… As my eyes are fixed on the savior Jesus, I see a different story…
He is the God man who endured the worst possible physical, emotional, and spiritual pain manifesting in death as he bore the weight of mankind’s sin on the cross. Jesus is described as "a man of many sorrows".
And He says, “Follow me.”
He says, “Take up your cross daily.”
He says, “Die to self.”
For the first five months of this race I’ve been running- attempting to run with perseverance- in hopes that such perseverance would produce character and that character would produce hope. Just like Romans 5 promises. But in the attempt to run, I’ve been running away from the pain- long suffering- without realizing how afraid of suffering I was.
But the Father reminded me the other day, telling me, “Accept the pain- long suffering- as the tool of refinement, as the means to make any of this race possible.”
In Romans 5 it reads, “ …and we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope and hope that does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. ”
I’ve been attempting to run with perseverance without suffering.
I’ve been failing, miserably.
This is not to say the whole of the Christian’s life is misery. There is, indeed, great joy, confidence, and hope found in the Savior Jesus. Suffering, though, is a part of the Christian’s walk. Though it may be unthinkable that an all-loving God could let his people, his children, feel pain, suffer, I take great assurance in knowing our pain is not in vain. There is purpose in our long suffering, and that is why Paul says, “Rejoice” in them.
I’ve been reading this book called “Hinds Feet on High Places.” It’s about a girl named “Much Afraid” who desires to go to the high places where the Shepherd resides. But first she much accept the thorn of love in her heart (salvation) and take the hands of sorrow and suffering (sanctification) to reach the high places. It is such a beautiful allegory of the Christian’s walk and in so many ways, during this season, I feel as though “Much Afraid’s” walk is my own. Instead of wrestling against the hands of sorrow and suffering, I have accepted them as faithful companions to aid me in this journey to the High Places where the good Shepherd resides.
In this, fear is falling away and now a new name will be given, “Joy-with acceptance.” It’s a difficult journey as right now I am literally walking through loss- as I was informed a few days ago of my grandfather's death. The Father is bringing me straight to the things I fear the most and enabling me to face them. There is pain in the greiving- in the loss of a loved one. There are other losses too, the loss of my rights, the loss of my comfort, the loss of my personal space, the loss (in some cases) of my rest. In it all, there is pain, but in the acceptance of unavoidable life circumstances such as these, sorrow and suffering have firmly grasped my hands and I am walking, holding tight as I am persevering.
This isn’t easy, this isn’t a stroll in the park, it’s painful, some days I want to pack up and go home, sometimes I don’t have joy, and sometimes I am angry. But in all this, the Father graciously leads me back to him, lavishing on me His grace as he reminds me that, “ All things work together for the good of those who love him.”
ALL THINGS because with God even the most horrendous of circumstances can be redemmed-the impossible made possible.
This is where I’m at. Cheers to month 6 on the race!
