Dear 17-year-old self,
Hi sweet girl. Oh man, this is me writing you 5 years from now, almost six seeing as I’m turning 23 in about 2 weeks. I remember you though. Sweet girl, I remember you. You’re dating someone right now and though you probably will not like to hear this, that relationship will end. You will devastated for more than just that reason and while in the midst of it you will angry, depressed, incredibly lonely, just trust that you’ll be even more beautiful at the end of it all than you are now.
I know you talked to him, that one day, he may not remember now but you told him, ‘I just want to get out. I feel trapped by these four walls.” In order to reach that goal, sweet girl, you will go through much trouble and heartache. The Lord is faithful to His children though and He does give you good gifts, He does give you the desires of your hearts, even when you’re not entirely what those may be.
You hide right now, you hide in your sin, you hide in your shame, and you feel alone. You feel like the only girl in the world who’s messed up like you have, who’s been treated the way you have, you feel like the black sheep of your friend group, you feel like no one would ever truly love you if they knew. But I’m telling you now as you journey to find, that you my dear, will be loved naked and unashamed. You will share your story, you will share your darkest secrets, your deepest shames and you will walk in freedom. The words that you are afraid to utter, the very words that leave you feeling stained black, will be the words spoken to listening ears, the words of confession, leading you to repentance, transformation and a healing heart.
I have to tell you, sweet girl, that you are the furthest thing from being alone. So many people, so many women, need to know your story and in others sharing their hearts you too will find the grace and freedom to uncover yours.
Some things, one thing in particular, is going to happen in the next year, one thing that is going to devastate you. I must say, my darling that even now, almost 6 years later, you’re still walking through that wound, still grieving the loss. But you’re finding freedom each and every day at 22. You feel beautiful for once, I know you struggle with that. You’ve stopped comparing yourself now, you struggle with that too. But you will find freedom is just being you. You don’t quite understand right now how beloved and beautiful you are, you’ll get there some day.
I guess at the end of this all I just want to say, don’t be afraid. You are, you really really are, but you’ll become the victor over all your fears. You’ll be your very own David slaying the goliaths of fear in your life and you will find freedom.
Just breath sweet girl,
Don’t be ashamed you will be loved.
Lynette
