Catherine, my teammate, and I are reading
Philip Yancey’s WHAT’S SO AMAZING ABOUT GRACE?. We are learning new
things in every chapter and today we read, in my opinion, the best chapter so
far. Chapter eight is titled “Why Forgive?” and it was, no doubt,
thought provoking. I want to tell you about this story in the book. Also, do me
a favor, go and purchase this book : )
It’s good stuff or it is “epic” as some of my squadmates would say…
In this chapter, obviously, Yancey
discusses forgiveness, why we forgive, why each person in the struggle
forgives, what forgiveness brings, among other thoughts. One of the stories
that Philip Yancey mentions and drops on the reader is a story about two women.
These two women were wronged by the same man, who left one woman, his wife, for
the other woman. Through this situation, the two women find refuge in one
another. The unfortunate betrayal of this one man wronging them, caused the two
women to find the forgiveness they both longed for. The two women encountered
God because they defied human nature. I am going to write the entire story
because I cannot portray this story without using the exact story from the
book. It is a lengthy passage but be patient and read through to the end.
Chapter eight of Philip Yancey’s
“WHAT’S SO AMAZING ABOUT GRACE?” :
“Rebecca was a quiet woman, and in
weeks of meeting together she had rarely opened her mouth. At the mention of
divorce, though, she proceeded to tell her own story. She had married a pastor
who had some renown as a retreat leader. It became apparent, however, that her
husband had a dark side. He dabbled in pornography, and on his trips to other
cities he solicited prostitutes. Sometimes he asked Rebecca for forgiveness,
sometimes he did not. In time, he left her for another woman, Julianne.”
“Rebecca told us how painful it was
for her, a pastor’s wife, to suffer this humiliation. Some church members who
had respected her husband treated her as if his sexual straying had been her
fault. Devastated, she found herself pulling away from human contact, unable to
trust another person. She could never put her husband out of mind because they
had children and she had to make regular contact with him in order to arrange
his visitation privileges.”
“Rebecca has the increasing sense
that unless she forgave her former husband, a hard lump of revenge would be
passed on to their children. For months she prayed. At first her prayers seemed
as vengeful as some of the Psalms: she asked God to give her ex-husband
“what he deserved.”
One night Rebecca called her ex-husband
and said, in a shaky, strained voice, “I want you to know that I forgive
you for what you’ve done to me. And I forgive Julianne too.” He laughed
off her apology, unwilling to admit he had done anything wrong. Despite his
rebuff, that conversation helped Rebecca get past her bitter feelings.”
“A few years later Rebecca got a
hysterical phone call from Julianne, the woman who had “stolen” her
husband. She had been attending a ministerial conference with him in
Minneapolis, and he had left the hotel room to go for a walk. A few hours
passed, then Julianne heard from the police: her husband had been picked up for
soliciting a prostitute.”
“On the phone with Rebecca, Julianne
was sobbing, “I never believed you,” she said. “I kept telling
myself that even if what you said was true, he had changed. And now this. I
feel so ashamed, and hurt, and guilty. I have no one on earth who can
understand. Then I remember the night when you said you forgave us. I thought
maybe you could understand what I’m going through. It’s a terrible thing to
ask, I know, but could I come talk to you?”
Somehow Rebecca found the courage to
invite Julianne over that same evening. They sat in her living room, cried
together, shared stories of betrayal, and in the end prayed together. Julianne
now points to that night as the time when she became a Christian.”
“Our group was hushed as Rebecca
told her story. She was describing forgiveness not in the abstract, but in
nearly incomprehensible scene of human linkage; husband-stealer and abandoned
wife kneeling side by side on the living-room floor, praying. “
“For a long time, I had felt foolish
about forgiving my husband,” Rebecca told us. “But that night I
realized the fruit of forgiveness. Julianne was right. I could understand what
she was going through. And because I had been there too, I could be on her
side, instead of her enemy. We both had been betrayed by the same man. Now it
was up to me to teach her how to overcome the hatred and revenge she was
feeling.”
It is interesting what we are told about
forgiveness and what we “deserve” during the time of betrayal and
restoration. I think of moments where I have felt wronged and believe I deserve
an apology. I think of what people have told me, Christian people, or what I
have told myself about what I deserve. “I don’t need to forgive, they
wronged me.” “I do not have to love her or serve her, I just can’t,
she wronged me.” I also thought about what friends, who dearly love us,
say during those times of hurt. They tell you that you don’t have to do
anything, take your time to process. But isn’t that against what Jesus said?
What would forgiveness look like if we all responded the way Rebecca responded
to Julianne when she called and needed a friend?
Jesus said to forgive not only seven
times but seventy times seven. Jesus also said to love those around us more
than we love ourselves. I cannot help but wonder if Jesus called us to be
radical. What if Jesus called us to not only forgive but also hug, befriend,
serve, talk to, or laugh with our enemies?
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Thank you so much for everything. Life is amazing.
