As we sit around the fire pot, on mats in the grass and we roast sticky rice, I look around and think I am loving this. I am in Si Saket, Thailand in a village called NongKankap roasting sticky rice and singing in Isaan. I hear Pa, with his relational, contagious personality attempting to pronouncing my name as well as the rest of our names in English and watch the girls as they laugh. I see the moon behind us glowing surrounded by the clouds. The atmosphere tonight is amazing, moon-lit sky, full of laughter, food, thought, and culture. I look at Mom as she roasts sticky rice, listens intently, and smiles continuously. She has taken such good care of us ladies this month with meals ready and delicious. In the background, I hear laughter as they sing with Pa in Isaan and then in English…”make me wanna shout”…”party in the usa”….
As we eat family style with Mom and Pa, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. It sounds so glorious being here in Thailand and believe me it is amazing, however, it is still so subtle and simple. I think I so often forget to appreciate the quiet moments. I so often have expectations and ideas of what life is supposed to look like in every moment I am in. I wonder what it would look like if I thanked God for moments in the grocery store or in the hugs. I wonder if I remembered to thank God when I get to laugh with a friend in the middle of a movie or over an inside joke. What would it look like if I remembered to thank God for breathing life into me or if I thanked Him for the clouds and the mountains? I struggle with even remembering to thank Him for giving the me the gift of salvation and grace. I forget to tell Him I love Him and honestly, I forget to talk to Him through out the day. Would I remember if I understood His love for me? Would I thank Him more if I was deeply in love with Him the way He is with me?
What kind of love would God have to send His only Son to die for our sins? I am trying to understand that kind of love and allow it to transform me into remaining in Him deeply. I want that transforming love to transform me into a daughter (not just a person) that tells God all the time that I love Him. I want that love to transform me into understanding myself as a daughter. A daughter who thanks Him for the clouds.
I also want that love to transform me, a daughter of His, that can thank Him in the trial.
God, I pray that your love would captivate who I am deeply. I pray that you, who provides my desire for you, would remain in me as I remain in you. God I pray that I would not forget that I NEED you and want you, you who are the true desire of my heart. God, allow your love to transform me, your daughter. God allow me to see You in all that I do. God, you are the author, help me to see that.
