On my first day in Vietnam, I was asked to purchase women. Twice. This all happened in a matter of 15 minutes while I was walking to an ATM. I was angry and repulsed.
This is Gabe’s Story. And it is with his permission that I share it.
I met Gabe on a university campus here in Da Lat, Vietnam. He was quick to approach our team with his humor and his desire to practice his English. He gave us a tour of his university, and then we made our way to a common area to play some games.
One of the games we played was Soularium. Soularium is a card game that was designed by Campus Crusade for Christ (CRU). It contains a deck of 50 thought-provoking images intended to spark significant spiritual conversations. The thought/hope behind this game is that it provides a natural and easy way to explore the spiritual journey of others. We split our team and the students into two groups. Gabe was in my group.
As we laid out all the cards in front of the students, we were prompted with three questions by our host. We were to choose three pictures; one to represent our past, one that represented our present, and one that represented our future. After we all chose our pictures, our host asked if I would share first. It was there in a closed country, on a college campus, I shared pieces of my testimony and without hesitation—I talked about God.
It was now Gabe’s turn. He laid down his first picture, representing his past. The picture had a broken bicycle leaning up against a wall. Gabe didn’t go into detail, but, he explained that he wasn’t perfect, that he had once lived a very broken life. I didn’t have a chance to talk with Gabe afterwords, the Lord simply just used our first meeting to hear parts of one another’s stories. I didn’t know when or if I would see Gabe again.
Our team was asked to go to a different university in Da Lat for ministry the next day. And who showed up? Gabe. He followed us around as we were given a tour, where we ended in the library. It was in the library where we were all split into groups. I once again had Gabe in my group. Immediately after we sat down Gabe asked me this question, “Are you Christian?”
I answered with a smile, “Yes. Yes I am.”
“Okay, so you have experienced the Spirit of God?” he asked.
“Yes, I have,” I replied.
“How? How have you experienced that? How can I experience that?”
Gabe and I sat there and talked about my relationship with Christ. I also learned that he recently accepted Jesus into his life. He talked to me about how he used to believe in evolution. He said that the Bible says that we are given the Holy Spirit and he wants to experience that. Gabe went on to tell me that he doesn’t know if he ever will experience the Spirit of God because of his past. Gabe believed the things he had done in his past were unforgivable.
If you’ve kept up with my last couple blogs, you’d understand that my team has been pressing into our own healing. Once Gabe stated that he didn’t have hope for himself based on his past sins, I felt convicted to share some of my own struggles with him.
I asked, “Gabe, have you ever prayed before?”
He said, “Of course!”
“That’s awesome! Have you ever prayed with anyone else,” I asked.
“Out loud? No,” he responded.
“Can I pray for you?” I asked.
He smiled and said, “Right here, right now? It’s ok if you whisper.”
“Oh, I don’t whisper when I pray. But if you like, we can go outside away from all these people.”
He said, “Oh no, that’s fine. We can do it here.”
So it was there in a crowded library in a closed country where I prayed over Gabe.
Gabe had tears in his eyes by the time I was done praying. He said he understood everything I had said. Then, Gabe began to tell me his story. He told me how he used to be secretly enslaved to an addiction. He told me about how he used to live in Ho Chi Minh City and purchase women for sex. He told me how he was afraid to tell anyone. He was afraid of rejection and believed if anyone knew that they would walk out of his life, he would lose respect, and no one would love him. He told me how fear and shame ruled his life. He told me how he was almost arrested.
I thanked Gabe for sharing with me. We talked about how shame is one of the greatest barriers to bringing about change. As long as the shadow of shame is looming, everything stays in the dark. But Gabe wasn’t choosing to live in the dark any longer. Gabe’s shame had been removed and his once secret was now in the light of day where he was going to experience real help and healing. And since Gabe had become a believer, his shame had begun to dissipate.
“Hey Gabe, you know this is you experiencing the Holy Spirit?” I said.
“What?! Really, how?” he asked.
“Shame is the greatest sabotager of healing. You can’t heal what you hide. And since you’ve become a believer, you’ve sought out help and healing. You’re choosing not to hide anymore. You’ve known that you needed Jesus to take away your shame and redeem your past. That right there is the Holy Spirit at work in your life, friend!”
After this, I got to pray Psalm 51 over Gabe. Psalm 51 is what my team and I have been delving into. We’ve been learning what it reveals about needing to deep clean our dirty hearts so that we can discover true healing.
Some of you may be thinking that Gabe should feel shame about what he has done—that if you can make a person feel bad enough about their consumption, they will stop. All this proves to do is confirm the messages of shame that are already inside and perpetuate the cycle. Many people confuse the concept of shame with conviction. The conviction that comes from God is good. It helps people to repent from destructive behaviors and take a new path. Shame, however, is a tool of darkness that keeps sin hidden from view so that it can’t ever be dealt with.
The sad reality is: no matter how hard I or anyone else work to rid our society of sex trafficking, it will be here to stay as long as there are those who demand it.
“For every news article about someone getting arrested for trafficking or purchasing sex, there are countless others you will never know about. This issue is so big that our law enforcement can barely scratch the surface. That’s because there will never be a shortage of people who are wounded or experience brokenness in their lives. Many of these individuals use pornography and prostitution in attempts to numb the pain or to fill the emptiness in their life.” —Gene McConnell
What will it take for the global church to be the light when they encounter these men instead of shaming them?
Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live! (Ezekiel 18:31-32)
What has being on the World Race taught me: the needy world isn’t interested in God because He might secure their promotion at work or deliver them a winning lottery ticket. By the millions, they are running to the cross because the love of a redeeming Savior is too intoxicating to resist. Jesus is their hope and their inheritance, and they glory in Him despite their sinful past. These people are so much closer to the secret of life than we are. Jesus said, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eyes a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God” (Matt 19:24), I now understand that’s me. And you. The higher we are, the harder it is to adopt the heart of Christ. I suppose that’s why Americans are the richest people on the planet but plagued with depression and loneliness. We’re furthest from the freedom that exists only at the bottom, and money can’t buy that liberation. What I need—what we all need—is to be more like Gabe. We ought to be so hungry to experience the Spirit of God that we will do whatever it takes to make it happen.
I want the church to be great because we battled poverty with not just our money but our hands and hearts. I desire greatness that comes from seeking not only mercy but justice for those caught in a system with trapdoors. I hope to be part of a great movement of the Holy Spirit, who injects supernatural wind and fire into His mission. My version of great will come when others are scratching their heads and saying, “Wow, you live a really different life.”
For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest. (Luke 9:48)
I believe the Lord was talking about the single moms when he said this. I believe he was talking about the homeless. I believe he was talking about the immigrants. I believe he was talking about the drug addicts, the criminals, and the Johns in this world. I believe he was talking about Gabe.
This is my high calling: to live on mission as an adopted daughter of Jesus. If people around me aren’t moved by my Christ or my church, then I must be doing a miserable job of representing them both. When I’m struggling with this, I must turn my heart towards the Holy Spirit. He reminds me I am a member of a grand assembly that inspires and stirs and empowers. On bad days, when I secretly whisper, “Is this all there is?” the Spirit urges me to join Him at the bottom, where the best movements have always begun.
Gabe, who was once a John in this broken world purchasing women for sex is now a redeemed son of God who is fighting like crazy to experience the Holy Spirit—because he knows it’s possible. And he is no longer living in shame.
