Last night, our all-squad debrief started. Our mentor started to explain what this week will look like: Post Race. Yep, holy hell, we are going to be talking about what it’s going to look like transitioning out of this intentional community into our lives back home. One of the exercises she said they have Racers do at this point is complie a list of 100 dreams. The reasoning being that if we don’t write them down—it’s easy to get home and allow other influencers to open doors that the Lord isn’t actually wanting us to open.
Right when she stated the list, I knew of at least one thing that needed to go on mine. And people, I was denying it-I have been for years. One-because I hate damn lists. I’m not a list person.
But the Lord whispered to me: Lyndz, you need to put confidence on your list.
The truth is. I’ve tried to convince God that I’ve always been confident. I mean come on, has he even seen all I’ve accomplished in my almost 30 years of living on this beautiful earth he created? And the reality is—the Lord has gifted/blessed me with abilities and numerous opportunities so that I would be here, right now. He wants me to see, that all along—he has made me capable of exuding confidence.
Yeah, my little brain has been flipping this over and over like a pancake that won’t cook through.
And here’s what the Lord has continued to speak to me since last night:
I am confident because I believe that I am a child of God. I am humble because I believe that everyone else is too.
They go hand in hand. They’ve got to.
If I am humble but lack confidence, it is because I haven’t accepted that there is a divine spark inside me. It means that I don’t believe in the miracle that I was made by God for a purpose all my own, and so I am worthy of the space that I occupy on this earth. And that as a child of God, no one deserves more respect, joy, or peace than I. As a child of God, I have the right to speak, to feel, to think, and to believe what I believe. Those dreams in my heart, those ideas in my head, they are real and they have a divine origin, and so they are worth exploring. Just because I am a child of God. And thankfully, there is nothing I can add to that title to make it more impressive. There is also nothing I can do to lose that title. I am confident not because I am pretty or smart or athletic or talented or kind. Those things change and can be given and taken. I am confident simply because I am a child of God.
Or at least—I’m working on it.
I believe that’s why God keeps placing me on all female teams. My sisters here on the race are constantly teaching me what it means and looks like to be confident. And boy, do they own it.
So to all of you lacking in the confidence department: how about you start believing there is a divine spark inside of you. Because that. That is the truth.
And hey, it turns out I am a list person. Damnit.
